The Art of Conversation | Effective Messaging Strategies for Sugar Relationships on Dating Apps


I had just moved into my house and was painting the fence in my front yard when my neighbor walked out of his house–shirtless. Trying not to look at his six-pack, I continued painting while my dog went ballistic. He ended up saying hello and after some small talk–where I attempted again not to look at the ripple of his abs–he turned to go back in his house and said what I’ll never forget: Well, Megan, if you ever need some sugar, stop on by.

I think I accidentally painted my arm as I watched him walk back inside, my jaw on the ground. I never asked him for that sugar. In fact, I’ve lived here a year and never saw him again, and I’m wondering if I imagined the whole thing, if sugar really was a code word for… what exactly? Well, when it comes to an actual relationship–this type of sugar is a little different.

Sugar relationships are romantic relationships that involve a mutually beneficial arrangement between two consenting adults. In these relationships, one partner (usually the older, wealthier individual) provides financial or material support to the other partner (usually the younger, less financially stable individual) in exchange for companionship, intimacy, or other forms of emotional or physical support.

These relationships can take many forms, ranging from casual arrangements to more long-term commitments. Some sugar relationships may involve a strict arrangement where both individuals explicitly agree on the terms and expectations beforehand, while other relationships may be more fluid and open to negotiation.

While sugar relationships have been the subject of controversy and criticism in some circles, others view them as a legitimate and empowering way for individuals to navigate the complex world of modern dating and relationships.

Which Dating App to Choose From?

There are several sugar dating websites that cater to individuals seeking mutually beneficial relationships for both sugar daddies and sugar mommas.

  1. Seeking: Seeking is one of the largest and most well-known sugar dating websites. It allows users to create a profile and connect with potential partners based on shared interests and expectations.
  2. SugarDaddyMeet: SugarDaddyMeet is a dating site specifically designed for sugar daddies and sugar babies. It boasts a large user base and offers a variety of features, including photo verification and advanced search options.
  3. SugarDaddie: SugarDaddie is another popular sugar dating website that has been around since 2002. It allows users to create a profile and search for potential partners based on location, age, and other criteria.
  4. Sugarbook: This sugar dating platform connects wealthy individuals with attractive partners seeking mutually beneficial relationships. The platform was founded in 2016 and is based in Malaysia, but has users from all around the world.

How to Start My Sugar Relationship?

As a sugar baby, you’ve got to be as clear as a freshly polished diamond about your expectations. Let those sugar daddies know what you want, whether it’s a bit of pocket money, a luxurious shopping spree, or a long-term arrangement. But don’t be too greedy, or you’ll end up with a cavity in your wallet.

But what if you’re the sugar parent? We’re no longer just daddies here, sugar momma’s exist, too! So where do you start? Communicate your expectations! Let your sugar baby know what you’re willing to offer for their company. But hey, don’t be too cheap either, or you’ll end up with a sour taste in your mouth.

Some general tips from both sides? Remember to always be polite and respectful, even if you’re not interested in someone. Nobody likes a salty attitude. We’re here for the sweets, after all. And if someone’s not your cup of tea, just say “no thanks.” Ghosting meant for the apps where boys haven’t discovered to be men and girls don’t know how to speak their mind like a woman. No one likes a sugar-coated phantom.

Let’s not forget that sugar dating is a delicate dance, and boundaries are important. If you’re not comfortable with something, speak up and let your partner know. And if they don’t respect your boundaries, dump them like a bowl of sugar-free candy. Cause gross.

From a Sugar Baby

As a sugar baby, you’ve got to be clear about what you want–it’s like going to a candy store and knowing exactly which treats you want to munch on! Are you looking for a weekly allowance or a onetime shopping spree?

A nose job or someone to help cover your student loans… those interest rates, am I right? Let your sugar daddy (or the less conventionally known–but still acceptable–momma version) know upfront what you want so you can both know what to expect moving forward.

But hey, even if someone offers you a bag of gummy bears instead of your favorite sour patch kids, don’t be rude. Chances are even that pack of sour patch would have flavors you wouldn’t like.

Nothing is perfect, and it’s important to appreciate what you have. But of course, keep in mind what you’re looking for–and what you’re looking to give back. 

As long as you’re honest, sugar dating won’t be like a box of random chocolates where you don’t know what you’re going to get, because if you’re clear about what you want, then you’re going to get exactly that. Yeah, I know it’s a diluted Forrest Gump reference, but let’s be real, sugar dating relationships aren’t a Lifetime movie–and if you actually finished Forrest Gump (SPOILER ALERT) neither was that film. Jenny sucked. Anyway, moving on.

When you’re ready to screen potential matches, take the time to ask questions and get to know your sugar daddy before you meet in person. And if something seems off, trust your gut and move on to the next candy jar.

Communication is key in sugar dating, and the more honest you are, sugar baby, the more likely you’ll be treated with the sugar rush you’re looking for. 

Safety should always be a top priority. Make sure you take precautions when meeting someone new, especially people from online dating apps. Catfishing and scams still happen, so trust your gut, always introduce yourself in a public place and trust your instincts. 

From a Sugar Parent

So what if you find yourself on the opposite side of this playbill? Well, you have the most important role of all, don’t you? You’re going to be supporting the baby you pick, so make sure you pick exactly who you want. And how do you go about that?

First thing’s first, remember that you’re the Willy Wonka of the candy factory! But just like Willy Wonka, it’s important to be upfront about what you’re offering–whether it’s a lifetime supply of chocolate or a monthly allowance or just some nice fancy gifts from time to time.

Let your sugar baby know what you’re looking for so you can both avoid any sour surprises, especially if one of you is expecting something sweet.

The ground rules for a sugar relationship can vary depending on the individuals involved and the type of arrangement you’ve agreed upon–but having an agreement is key. 

Sugar Relationship Messaging Tips

  • Personalize your messages: Avoid using generic opening lines or copy-pasting the same message to multiple people. Take the time to read their profile and find something you can reference in your message. This shows that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them and also offers opportunities to break the ice.
  • Ask open-ended questions: Rather than just asking simple yes or no questions, ask open-ended questions that encourage your partner to share more about themselves. This can help you get to know them better and build a deeper connection.
  • Be positive and lighthearted: Avoid negative or heavy topics in the initial stages of messaging. Instead, keep the conversation positive and lighthearted. This can help create a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere for both of you.
  • Show your personality: Let your personality shine through in your messages. Use humor, sarcasm, or whatever else comes naturally to you. This can help you stand out from other people and create a memorable impression.
  • Respect boundaries: It’s important to respect your partner’s boundaries and avoid making them feel uncomfortable. If they don’t respond to your message, don’t keep messaging them. Instead, move on and find someone else who may be a better fit. You don’t want to be begging someone to spend time with you–they should make an equal effort and show their interest in you as well. Expecting sexual favors for money is a big no-no in sugar dating. It’s important to establish clear boundaries and expectations upfront and avoid any pressure or coercion for in exchange for financial support.
  • Be patient: Building a genuine connection takes time, so be patient and don’t rush into anything. Take the time to get to know your partner and build a rapport before discussing any expectations or arrangements.

Tips and Tricks for Both Parties

sugar communication


Communication is key in any relationship, and sugar dating is no exception. Regardless of what side of the relationship you’re on, you need to be clear and honest about your expectations, boundaries, and desires. Laying out ground rules will set up a healthy foundation that ensures you both understand where you’re coming from and where you’re going. 


Respect is essential in any relationship, and sugar dating is no different. Treat each other with kindness, consideration, and mutual respect. Remember that while sugar dating is non-traditional compared to other relationships, this is an agreement between the two of you. Sugar babies aren’t objects to be purchased. It’s important for the sugar parent to be extra sensitive to not treat their baby as a transactional 2-dimensional object. Similarly, the baby needs to remember the parent, while being the one taking the lead here, still has feelings and opinions. Always ask each other thoughts when considering dates, plans, or things to do, and don’t be afraid to express any hesitations you may have.

sugar boundaries


It’s important to establish and respect each other’s boundaries. Discuss what you are comfortable with and what you are not willing to do. If something makes you uncomfortable, speak up and make sure your partner understands. This goes for both of you! Remember, it’s okay to say no.


Be honest with each other about your intentions and feelings. If something isn’t working, communicate openly and honestly. Honesty is the foundation of any successful relationship but definitely in this unique pairing. 

With these tips and tricks in mind, you two will be on your way towards a respectable, healthy sugar partnership. Honesty is key and don’t be afraid to hold back from communicating your desires, fears, concerns, or interests. Like visiting a candy store, dating is supposed to be a fun treat, one that both of you should feel satisfied by. 

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