ESFJs, aka Consuls, are extroverts who thrive in social situations. They are energized by friendship and sincerely care about the people they meet. They have a habit of placing the interests of others above their own, garnering them the reputation of being kind and generous.
ESFJs are selfless caregivers who are attentive to the needs of those around them and give their full focus and energy to the tasks at hand. They pay close attention to their own emotions and the emotions and opinions of others around them. The ESFJ values community and collaboration and is always willing to go the extra mile for others.
So how do these traits translate to dating and romance for the Consul? Keep reading to find out!
The Consul Overview
When people get along and support one another, ESFJs feel happy and fulfilled. ESFJs are devoted to their loved ones and place great significance on loyalty and stability. In terms of their time, energy, and feelings, they give freely and care deeply about the problems of others and will use their great organizing talents to help others feel more in control of their life.
This doesn’t imply that Consuls are saintly people who love and accept everyone. Yet, ESFJs recognize the value of being polite and pleasant and often feel obligated to help those around them. Characterized by selflessness and dependability, these individuals typically take on the responsibility of supporting their loved ones and their communities in big and little ways.
The personality type is made up of these four character traits:
Consuls are altruistic people who want to help everyone. And do so by contributing to the community, supporting others, and doing the right thing.
ESFJs think there is always an obvious right choice to make in almost every scenario, and while some people have a more forgiving, live-and-let-live outlook, ESFJs may struggle not to pass judgment on others whose choices they feel are wrong. This makes it hard for Consuls to take criticism, especially from those they care about.
How ESFJ Characteristics Apply to Romance and Dating
Relationships between people are vital to ESFJs since they seek social approval and a feeling of belonging through them. Those of the Consul personality type find comfort in the safety and security that come from committed romantic relationships since no other sort of connection offers the same amount of support and loyalty.
With this end in mind, ESFJs take dating and the different phases of their romantic relationships very seriously. Consuls base their relationships on meeting one another’s needs, from an early shared understanding to a continued commitment to one another’s ideas and ambitions. Feeling loved and valued profoundly influences Consuls’ mental health and sense of worth.
Consuls are kind, dependable individuals who want acceptance and admiration. They excel in taking proper care of daily tasks, like budgeting and paperwork, and are glad to do it to assist those they love. Consuls must put in the time and effort required to cultivate connections with partners who appreciate their affection and empathy and return it in kind want to fulfill their own wants and realize their own goals.
Consuls don’t have casual relationships or short romantic entanglements because they want a partner who will support them no matter what—and because their endgame involves marriage and a family.
Relationship development among ESFJs is often quite structured, with many adhering to traditional norms for dating. Consuls continue to emphasize tradition and customs when their relationships progress to more sexual phases, adhering to conventional gender norms and societally acceptable behaviors. Despite this, when they do decide to do the deed, Consuls make incredible sexual partners since they are highly affectionate and sensual.
These individuals thrive when they can discover methods to pleasure their partners, and this degree of closeness is a perfect opportunity to accomplish just that. If their partner is willing to attempt new things with them, ESFJs tend to grow more adventurous as the relationship progresses.
Tips for Keeping Consuls Interested
It’s important for ESFJs to feel valued for their unique qualities and contributions to society. Some people with this kind of need become very dependent on others for their emotional well-being, and if they don’t get it from a love interest, they will “go fishing” for it. So if you want to keep a Consul interested, don’t make them fish for compliments–give them freely and often.
Many ESFJs are sensitive souls who are easily hurt—they see criticism as a personal attack and internalize it as such. For ESFJs, this is a landmine that should be avoided at all costs. An ESFJ’s self-esteem might plummet in the context of criticism or when they don’t get any praise. Having their partners acknowledge how much they value them is a precious gift.
Avoid conflict where you can when dating or getting to know an ESFJ, although this is not realistic–all couples have disagreements! Just try to be gentle with any criticism of these sensitive souls!
Things to Consider When Dating an ESFJ
If a Consul doesn’t feel supported and if their partner is critical, it can upset them greatly. However, problem-solving can be difficult for those ESFJs because of their aversion to conflict and confrontation. As a Consul, nothing is more discouraging than seeing that their partner doesn’t value their hopes and goals.
Consuls are very sensitive, yet they can be surprisingly strong and tenacious when confronted with difficulties; they only need to know their partners will stick by their side no matter what. ESFJs who aren’t as mature may not have the resolve and understanding to use this to their advantage—they are often too dependent on their partners’ acceptance, even if it means compromising their ideals.
This is risky since it often leads to mentally abusive relationships, which can negatively affect a Consul’s already low self-esteem.
This problem is compounded by the fact that Consuls tend to place more weight on the approval of their friends and family than on their own morals and ideals when making romantic decisions.
ESFJ Compatibility with Other Myers Briggs Personalities
The following MBTI personality types are most compatible with the ESFJ because they match the ESFJ’s beliefs, interests, and overall outlook on life. They may not always agree, but they should have a natural rapport due to their shared passions and experiences.
ESTP – The Entrepreneur
Both of you are genuinely interested in other people, so you probably have a lot of space on your schedules for social gatherings. Spending time with each other’s friends and family is a great way to strengthen your connection, and you’ll likely be excited about making introductions as your bond grows.
ISFJ – The Defender
Relationships between an ESFJ and an ISFJ are characterized by mutual understanding and a sense of being really seen by one another. They help one another by challenging and improving their thinking.
ENTP – The Debater
Relationships between ESFJs and ENTPs are full of sparks and excitement because both people in the relationship stimulate and inspire the other.
Least Compatible Personality Types
As a result of their seemingly fundamental disagreements in values and priorities, the following personality types are the most likely to produce friction and conflict with the ESFJ.
INFJ – The Advocate
When you consider how you approach the world differently, it’s easy to understand how you would find it difficult to get along. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them; you may discover that your exchanges with this individual open your mind to new perspectives that aid in your development. But this doesn’t bode well for a romantic pairing.
ISFP – The Adventurer
Relationships between an ESFJ and an ISFP are known as shadow pairings due to the fact that both parties have the same strong and weak qualities but hold different values. This means that their compatibility is no bueno.
INTJ – The Architect
The INTJ and the ESFJ are polar opposites on the personality spectrum. Unfortunately, opposites don’t attract in this particular pairing—the compatibility of INTJs with ESFJs is low.
Final Thoughts About Dating a Consul
Few other character types can match the Consul’s level of wisdom and compassion. ESFJs are well-known for their interpersonal and organizational abilities, allowing them to provide a safe, stable, and welcoming home life that benefits them and their other halves.
The time and effort a Consul puts into their personal growth is priceless, and any romantic partner chosen by an ESTP can count themselves lucky to be along for the ride.