Architects (INTJs) are very well-versed in being on the outside looking in since they have one of the rarer personality types. INTJs are known for their intelligence and ability to think critically, and they take great satisfaction in their ability to spot hypocrisy and BS.
Yet, architects can have a difficult time in the dating and romance area of their lives–it’s hard to find someone who can keep up with their incessant need to analyze every aspect of their environment. But there is a lid for every pot, and although Architects struggle to find a partner when they do, it’ll be worth the wait!
The Architect Overview
Everything is debated in an architect’s mind, while a lot of the population tends to accept things as they are, looking to existing norms and the opinions of others rather than questioning or challenging the status quo.
Architects, though, being the perpetually skeptical MBTI personality types that they are, generally like discovering things on their own. They are unafraid to try different methods, even if it means going against conventional wisdom or taking heat from their peers.
There is a strong streak of independence in INTJS–Architects are independent thinkers who are very comfortable working alone. They generally prefer making choices independently of others, and this solitary attitude often comes out as unkind since it disregards the feelings, needs, and goals of others.
But don’t mistake these traits as Architects being heartless!
Despite common beliefs about their cool demeanor, INTJs experience emotions strongly. Architects are impacted both mentally and emotionally when they cause harm to others, which is usually unintended, and they spend a lot of time and energy going over where they went wrong.
They are not unfeeling robots, even if they don’t always put emotions high on their list of priorities when making decisions.
The INTP personality type is made up of these four character traits:
How INTJ Characteristics Apply to Romance and Dating
The INTJ is a committed but independent partner. When it comes to picking a long-term partner, INTJs are notoriously scientific, and they make loyal mates once they do. They have strong convictions about what constitutes a healthy partnership and will go to great lengths to secure their relationship bag.
The Architect’s (INTJ) approach to dating and romance is the same as it is to any other challenge: deliberate, with well-defined goals and a strategy for accomplishing them. This approach would work great in a world where everything was logical and reasonable—unfortunately, love is irrational most of the time, and Architects may fail to recognize or incorrectly understand human behavior and romantic feelings.
Self-improvement is a common theme among INTJs, who often support their partners’ dreams and intellectual pursuits. Yet, they do not like showy displays of affection since they feel their love should speak for itself.
Rather than lavishing their partners with love and affection, they are more concerned with supporting them through hard work and creative problem-solving. Partners of INTJs often struggle to read them because INTJs aren’t demonstrative of their feelings and because they view how people express emotions as too chaotic and confusing. They live for the challenge of tackling complex problems but struggle when confronted with the inconsistency and randomness of their own emotions.
The ideal companion for an INTJ is someone who supports their freedom and encourages them to pursue their interests while also recognizing and appreciating their strengths.
Tips for Keeping Architects Interested
If you are interested in keeping the Architect interesting, you need to share what you want for the future and do so early on in the relationship. As they are one of the most self-assured MBTI types, INTJs prefer partners who are also confident in who they are and where they are going. Tell them how you really feel about them and what you want from the relationship—it’s the fundamental first step in gaining an INTJ’s trust and interest.
Most people don’t understand the complexities of an INTJ’s brain. Spend time developing genuine relationships with them and learning how their minds work. They enjoy in-depth questions and are eager to educate others about the “proper way” to do things. If you can stand a little condescension (they don’t mean to be condescending) and grasp how their minds operate, they will be even more interested in you than they initially were! And bonus: you’ll have an expert around when you don’t understand something–it’s like dating a Wikipedia page!
Things to Consider When Dating an INTJ
Above all else, Architects value sincerity, openness, and intellectual ability. A partnership that isn’t built on these principles isn’t important to them, and they aren’t interested in one that isn’t–they find the dating culture’s unwritten rules and pleasantries irritating or pointless.
The great news is that architects, in their openness and unwillingness to play games, can be a refreshing change of pace in the dating world. No games? That is refreshing, indeed!
So, what’s the problem with INTJs? Well, as cliche as it may seem, romantic traditions have endured over the years because they make people feel warm, fuzzy, special, and, most importantly, adored. Dating may be challenging for architects because of their stubborn refusal to comply with romantic norms.
INTJ Compatibility with Other Myers Briggs Personalities
The E types (ENFJ, ESFJ, and ENTJ) are the most compatible with INTJs in a romantic relationship. They do more as a team than they could individually, and conflict and complacency are avoided due to the pair’s complementary skillsets and work habits.
ENFJ – The Protagonist
An ENFJ, who can seem irrational and emotional sometimes, can help an INTJ tune into their warmer, more compassionate side and make sure they check in on their humanity more often. Particularly, they can show you that following your emotions is as important as following your brain when making decisions.
The upshot is that you can teach them all about making rational choices. The ENFP’s default is to act on what they believe is right, but challenging them might get them to weigh all of the factors and make a tough choice when necessary. Architects may also teach ENFPJs how to stand up for themselves, say “no,” and fight for what they want.
ESFJ – The Consul
ESFJs have the potential to be a strong balancing factor in your life. Even while you tend to dwell in the hypothetical, they will be focused on the practical: making sure that everyone has enough to eat, that the rent is paid, and that the kids aren’t wearing two different shoes. While this isn’t often high on most people’s lists of things to worry about, having a partner who will take care of the little things is a bonus in any relationship!
ENTJ – The Commander
If you’re an INTJ, you will likely know right away that the ENTJ is one of your people. You could hit it off because you both have an intense curiosity about the world and a need to figure out how everything fits together. Your interactions are certain to take an intriguing (and maybe weird) turn very early on in the relationship since you both like to skip the small talk and go straight into the subject of something intellectually meaty.
Since both of you are not emotional beings, be sure to show each other appreciation if you want to make the most of this special and rewarding connection.
Least Compatible Personality Types
Compatibility between INTJs and other personality types is lowest among those who use opposing cognitive functions. Naturally, conflicts will develop when two people who see the world quite differently come together. While partners of all types argue from time to time, INTJs and the personality types below will have more arguments than agreements.
ISFP – The Adventurer
In terms of compatibility, lifestyle is often overlooked yet important. It’s great that you have the same beliefs and principles, but your relationship will constantly be tense if you can’t work together on the little things.
You might encounter some difficulties if you’re an INTJ dating an ISFP–disagreements are inevitable due to your conflicting worldviews. You want your partner to stay focused, establish some specific goals, and follow through on those goals. On the flip side, they constantly remind you to chill out and have a little fun.
ISFJ – The Defender
The INTJ and the ISFJ may have certain values in common, but their views on the world will never be identical. It’s clear from the jump that you and your partner have conflicting priorities.
Architects prefer to stir things up and discover ways of making things better, quicker, and newer. The ISFJ is a traditionalist who could likely find your intentions unneeded, if not borderline disturbing. You can learn a lot from each other, but you’ll have to work through many differences before you can connect with one another.
ESFP – The Entertainer
Those with the INTJ personality type are known to think deeply and love experimenting with ideas; they are also often unconventional and enthusiastic about innovation. Architects are known to question everything and never settle for an easy answer— some are so creative that they might drift away from reality.
In comparison, ESFPs are driven by a need to do something. They’re action-oriented and enjoy making the most of the here and now. They choose not to have their heads in the clouds but instead exist here and now; they are too busy enjoying life that they seldom consider how it could be improved. You may find this person’s boundless energy and excitement to be too much at times and need to set a ton of boundaries so they know you need your “me” time.
Final Thoughts About Dating an Architect
Architect (INTJ) personalities, gifted with formidable intellects and strategic brains, can overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges. But, an architect’s greatest assets can become liabilities if they are misunderstood, stopping them from unlocking their full potential.
Love is never simple, but it’s worth the struggle if you’re an INTJ because of the personal growth possibilities that come with it. Relationships provide a safe space for them to engage with their emotions, socialize, and willingness to learn new experiences and perspectives.
For the type of person who is so focused on improving themselves, these possibilities can make falling in love all the more worthwhile for the Architect!