If you don’t want a partner who is going to take charge, then you might want to steer clear of pursuing an ESTJ, aka The Executive. You may be no shrinking flower, but this personality type, which only makes up about three percent of the population, is all business and is not afraid to let people know it–you’ll need a thick skin and be able to ride in the passenger seat.
But if you are up to the challenge, the ESTJ is a trustworthy and steady romantic partner. They value diligence, following through on commitments, and protecting those they care about from life’s challenges.
We are going to get down to business and find out all about the Executive and how this particular Myers-Briggs personality type approaches dating and romance!
The Executive Overview
ESTJs are conscientious traditionalists who enjoy opportunities to take the reins of both large and small-scale operations. They are methodical, organized, and conscientious; they want to follow the rules and always finish what they start. In other words, they are all business, all the time.
Most ESTJs strongly desire to bring order to their environments since they want things to go logically and consistently. ESTJs are known to take charge and streamline routines if they detect a lack of structure, ensuring that everyone is on the same page.
One of the rarest personality types, ESTJs have an innate ability to lead, and the charismatic and self-assured Executive oozes an air of authority that motivates others to rally behind them.
But, these favorable qualities come with a caveat—ESTJs are also defined by a degree of ruthless reason, employing their drive, tenacity, and smarts to accomplish whatever aim they have set for themselves.
It’s probably for the best that Executives only make up a tiny portion of the world; otherwise, they might scare away the more meek and sensitive people who also inhabit it.
The personality type is made up of these four character traits:
Despite their relentless nature, many of the organizations and businesses we depend on daily can be traced back to Executives. Hence, the tradeoff is worth some hurt feelings along the way!
How ESTJ Characteristics Apply to Romance and Dating
Just like in other aspects of their life, ESTJs go into dating and romantic relationships with a strategy and a set of objectives in mind, and they work toward those goals with remarkable gusto and intensity.
People with the ESTJ personality type are 100% committed, so they’ll happily take the wheel early on in a relationship and make sure it’s off to a good start by assuming control to ensure it’s a win-win situation.
Because of their strong obligation to others, Commanders invest a great deal of time and effort into their romantic partnerships, and they are not afraid to be creative by coming up with exciting date ideas. But ESTJ personalities always look at the big picture, and if they sense that a relationship is going nowhere, they will end it quickly, even if it hurts their partner.
This is not a fun and games kind of casual dater, so don’t be fooled if the first date is a blast and then you never hear from them again. They will never look back if they don’t see a future with you.
Their biggest flaw is their frequent ruthlessness with personal connections; if they aren’t careful, this characteristic can give them a bad rep. It’s crucial for them to focus on developing their sensitivity to others’ emotions, if only for the benefit of their partners so that they can express their feelings healthily.
If they don’t, they run the danger of controlling and dominating their partners, which can be disastrous for any relationship but particularly in its early stages.
ESTJs value deep, committed romantic partnerships. The Executive prefers stable, long-term partnerships over the emotional roller coaster of an on-again, off-again relationship.
When it comes to honesty, ESTJs are truthful and forthright with their relationships and expect the same openness and honesty in return. In general, ESTJs like to be in charge of people and situations.
If the relationship progresses smoothly and both parties see a future together, the ESTJ will continue to surprise their partners with their originality and energy.
They have a sex life that is, to put it mildly, exciting, and they are eager to try out different approaches to showing their love to a partner. Yet, Executives often arrange these surprises in advance, giving their sex lives some structure and predictability. So they are up for anything, but they have to schedule what that anything is, got it?
Tips for Keeping Executives Interested
When the ESTJ is interested in someone, they will go for them at full throttle. It can seem aggressive to others, but for an ESTJ, it’s merely out of a desire to protect the possibility of a future romantic connection.
When the ESTJ finally finds someone they click with and want to get to know better, they don’t waste any of what they see as precious time. So do not play mind games with the Executive; it will not work in your favor, and any interest they had will vanish into thin air.
Confident, driven individuals are attractive to ESTJs—they are interested in meeting someone who is secure in what they want and isn’t scared to go for it. If you have your eye on an Executive, show confidence–even if you have to “fake it ’til you make it.”
They are drawn to those who seem to know what they want out of life, radiate assurance in themselves, and aren’t hesitant to show it. For the ESTJ, loyalty is a top-tier quality—it’s not only attractive but indispensable in any romantic relationship with them. ESTJs are also drawn to those with strong convictions who aren’t afraid to stand up for them.
ESTJs aren’t fans of those who can’t manage to keep their emotions in check, so if you are an emotive feeling type, sorry, but you won’t catch the interest of an Executive.
Things to Consider When Dating an ESTJ
ESTJs are constantly looking to grow and learn–they will happily take constructive criticism and use it to their advantage, but they demand the same from their partners. They are often disappointed when their expectations aren’t met. What’s even more shocking to Executives is that most people actively want to avoid conflict.
While ESTJs may think that criticism is the most effective approach, they should remember that their partners could be more concerned with emotional support and growth—an aspect of self-improvement that Executives themselves all too often overlook.
Whether it’s via constructive criticism or constant emotional support and appreciation, Commanders should attempt to meet their significant others in the middle. Compromise is the bedrock of any happy, healthy relationship!
ESTJ Compatibility with Other Myers Briggs Personalities
ISTJ – The Logistician
In a relationship between an ESTJ and an ISTJ, both partners can see things from the other’s point of view and feel heard. They help to challenge and sharpen each other’s minds.
ESTP – The Entrepreneur
You are both natural “fixers” and value logic and practicality. You both value completion and commitment and appreciate realistic solutions, accountability, and competence in all areas. You’ll connect quickly and can build a lasting relationship built upon your shared beliefs.
ENFP – The Campaigner
Relationships between an ESTJ and an ENFP are active and exciting due to the fact that both people in the relationship energize and inspire one another.
Least Compatible Personality Types
The ESTJ is more likely to have personality conflicts and disagreements with the following categories of people, making them the least compatible in romance and dating.
ESFP – The Entertainer
Because they are both extroverted, ESTJ and ESFP naturally gravitate toward one another and strike up conversations when they happen to cross paths. While there are several possible outcomes for this pairing, they will run into some significant obstacles when it comes to the ESTJ’s rigidity.
ISFP – The Entertainer
As you grow to know one other, your relationship may become frustrating. Although you’re structured, your partner is more impulsive. Your Perceiving partner may approach plans you thought were set in stone cavalierly, and you might take this personally—or at best, consider if it’s worth the irritation to date someone who tends to blow things off too quickly.
INFP – The Mediator
There are some basic disparities in your worldviews, which might make it difficult for you to get along. This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them; you may discover that getting to know their perspective enriches your own. Even so, there will be difficulties in this relationship when it comes to compatibility.
Final Thoughts About Dating an Executive
The ESTJ personality type tends to be bossy and likes to force their rules on those around them. They are quick to act and have little patience for their partners’ emotions, so they can stand to relax and give up control so they can communicate clearly with a romantic partner.
Overall, ESTJs are looking for a relationship that will help them attain their goals of conventional family life and the stability that comes with it. An ESTJ’s ideal partner is someone who recognizes and values their initiative and hard work inside the relationship–and out.