Which Enneagram Number Should You Date Based on Your Own Personality Type

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Personality tests are some of the most beneficial and intuitive tools people can use to learn more about themselves and how they want and need to be loved. 

If you feel stuck on your journey of finding love and aren’t sure what you should be looking for in a partner, you might want to explore who your personality test says you should look for. 

It’s no secret that everyone wants something different out of their love lives, and often, love is not a one-size-fits-all thing with just one answer. But it can be challenging to find out what you want in your life and what kind of a person you should be searching for when you’re looking for love. 

Thankfully, our favorite personality test, the Enneagram, lays out what each individual type’s needs and strongest desires is when they’re in a relationship. The results people get from the test help their search for love go by a little smoother. 

If you’re curious about how the Enneagram works and how you can use the results to help you find the love you not only deserve but might need in your life, keep reading. 

The Enneagram Overview 

If you’ve never heard of the Enneagram, you’re missing out on an incredible growth opportunity for both yourself and your relationship as a whole. The Enneagram is an intuitive personality test that we love to use in our personal lives and suggest for others as well in their journey of self-reflection. The system helps people learn more about what they want and need out of their love lives. 

The Enneagram is made up of nine basic personality types, one of which everyone fits into. The test, though a little extensive, goes through everything from how the individual sees the world and approaches life to what the individual likes to do in their free time. 

Unlike other personality tests, the Enneagram does a deep dive into who each individual is as a person, the childhood wounds and trauma that shaped who they are, their greatest fears, and their deepest desires. 

This test does not beat around the bush whatsoever. Most people who take the Enneagram test are often also taking the first step to a life-long journey and commitment to getting to know themselves better. 

One of our favorite tools that the Enneagram provides, along with the results, is the kind of people that each type should look for in order to feel grounded and fulfilled. 

Similar to how astrological signs are often encouraged to be paired together, the Enneagram’s results provide a deeper understanding of why certain types need certain kinds of people in their lives. 

Although none of our suggestions are hard truths that you must follow to find success, you should look out for the traits and types of people we’re suggesting if you want to create a more balanced and healthy love life. 

Of course, all that really matters, in the end, is that you like the person you’re talking to and feel as though they’re a good match for you. We just want to help guide you on your journey to find love. 

But the Enneagram is not only an advanced tool for gleaning self-knowledge but also one that ought to be used when anyone is entering into a new relationship. 

How Much Does the Enneagram Matter in Relationships?

Whether you’re aware of it or not, the Enneagram plays an integral part in your everyday life. Because the test is so intuitive, your Enneagram type is at the core of who you are, and it is often used to explain your core beliefs, lifestyles, and motivators. 

There are only so many personality tests that have been proven to work. However, because the Enneagram is based so heavily on each individual’s personal experience and how they’ve grown up and experienced the world, the test can provide insight into the healthiest ways they should go about their lives. Because of this, your Enneagram number, as well as your partner’s, matters a great deal in your relationship. 

It’s also good to note that if something’s dictating your life that much and if you can learn more about yourself just by realizing what number you are, it will benefit your life and your understanding of yourself as well as your love life. 

We will caution you, however, that although the Enneagram is very intuitive, there is no such thing as a perfect couple. Even if you find and fall in love with your ‘perfect Enneagram type,’ that doesn’t mean that the two of you are necessarily destined to be together forever or that you will have chemistry together. Instead, it’s just a suggestion open to interpretation and editing, just like most things in life. 

Stephanie Barron Hall, certified Enneagram coach, and teacher, says, “Because the Enneagram is so focused on underlying motivation and not on outer behavior, all types can end up working well together.” He says this to dissuade people from believing that they can only end up with one Enneagram type. He continues to explain, “The point of using the Enneagram for relationships is not to figure out who you can rule out of the dating pool, but to learn how to use this tool as a path toward growth and deeper connection.”

Because the Enneagram provides such an excellent and informative overview of who each type is as a person, the results often show that each number is lacking in something and needs someone to ground them in that aspect. 

While that can easily be appeased by someone finding a specific type and matching with them, it also doesn’t mean that that type needs to be their romantic partner. If someone needs to have an Enneagram One in their life, they can find that through a friend, colleague, or mentor. 

If you’re curious as to what type your Enneagram says you might want to explore opportunities with, here’s our breakdown!

Enneagram One

Enneagram Ones are the perfectionists of the Enneagram. These people constantly hide their emotions and are often so in their own heads about making everything perfect that they forget to live. 

Because of this, Ones are naturally attracted to the people in their lives who make everything lighter and bring joy into their days. Naturally, these are the Twos and the Sevens of the world. 

  • Ones and Twos: Enneagram Ones are usually task-oriented, strict, and rigidly following all of the prescribed rules and regulations. When a One is in a relationship with a Two, they can let the guard down and share their burdens with their partners, who are often ready to take up the load. Similarly, the Ones’ consistent and reliable nature helps the Two feel needed and safe. 
  • Ones and Sevens: When you look at the diagram of the Enneagram, you will see a connecting line between the One and the Seven, further proving that these types are complimentary of each other, even if they seem like polar opposites. Ones are often attracted to the carefree and child-like spirit that the Seven brings to a relationship, while Sevens often need a One in their life to ground them and give them direction. 

Enneagram Two

The helpers of the Enneagram are always eager to show love in any and every way they can when they’re in a relationship. Although they might not always have the healthiest boundaries when it comes to passion, Enneagram Twos are willing and able to do anything for anyone in need. 

  • Twos and Threes: Another seemingly oppositional pairing, Twos and Threes make one of the strongest couples in the Enneagram. Threes are dedicated to helping the Two find their voice and push their boundaries, and Twos present the caring and loving presence that Threes crave in relationships.
  • Twos and Eights: Similar to the Two/Three pairing, Eights are there to support Twos while also reminding them to speak up for themselves. Twos are there to remind Eights that showing emotion is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Enneagram Three

The goal-oriented achievers present an interesting conundrum for the Enneagram pairing. Threes are the Enneagram types that are the furthest removed from the feeling section, meaning that they often don’t know they’re feeling things until the emotions begin to break down their doors. 

  • Threes and Nines: The Three/Nine pairing on the Enneagram makes the most sense. Nines are constantly content with their surroundings and the circumstances they’re given. They don’t need the Three to be anything more than they already are. And while they can encourage them, they also teach Threes to be content with their circumstances and connect to their emotional sides. Alternatively, Threes can light a fire under the Nine’s butts often and will propel them to achieve success in their own life. 

Enneagram Fours

The Four is geared toward an emotionally-heavy relationship. The individualist and romantic of the Enneagram are incredibly in-tune with their emotions and feelings and demand that both of them are adequately acknowledged and dealt with. 

  • Fours and Fives: Because Fours go with the flow of their emotions, they need the steadfast and fact-based nature that the Five can provide them. Fives can act as a grounding person for the emotional Fours. Similarly, Fours are often in awe of the dedication and passion that Fives have toward their work and interest.
  • Fours and Nines: Fours bring out the fire that the Nine needs in their life. Fours will encourage and promote all of the Nine’s endeavors and encourage them to be selfish with their dreams. For their part, Nines provide a safe place for Fours to feel all of their feelings and express their innermost thoughts without judgment.

Enneagram Fives

Fives are often introspected and withdrawn from their emotions. Often driven by their desire to learn more about the world and the topics that interest them, Fives will approach problems and ideas by themselves and get to the bottom of the issue with ease. 

The Five can spend days by themselves and come out of that time spent in solitude with a healthier and refreshed mindset. Because of their introverted nature, Fives can often seem cold or detached from the world. 

  • Fives and Ones: Although one could argue that this pairing would lead to emotional distance, another could say that this could create a powerful couple. This pairing is one of two goal-oriented and passionate people. Nothing can get in the way of this couple’s success and drive. The Five/One relationship is built on a solid and steadfast foundation.
  • Fives and Twos: One of the most emotionally-removed and grounded types meshing with one of the most emotionally-driven and free-form types coming together doesn’t seem like they would make a strong relationship, but opposites often attract. The removed nature of the Five often forces their Two counterparts to create boundaries in their lives. Meanwhile, the loving and understanding nature of the Twos allows the Fives to feel loved and cared for.

Enneagram Six 

The loyalists of the Enneagram are fully committed to their partners and will do everything and anything within their power to keep those they love safe. This type is usually driven by anxiety and fear and will often try to avoid anything that might make them uncomfortable. 

Sixes need people who are steady and reliable in their lives. They also need to be able to feel their feelings without being told that they’re being over dramatic or unrealistic. 

  • Six and Nines: Sixes need the grounding and calming presence that a Nine naturally supplies. Nines are there to ease their anxious partner’s anxieties and stand by them throughout the process. In turn, Sixes will provide the loyal and steadfast relationship that Nines crave. 

Enneagram Sevens

These enthusiastic souls are almost always ready for anything, and they want to explore life for all that it has to offer, even if that means that they’re often not grounded or stable in their own lives. 

Sevens are one of the most entertaining Enneagram types to be around and especially to share a life with. These dopamine junkies are always looking on the bright side of life and constantly chase anything that might bring them joy. 

  • Sevens and Nines: Sevens can provide the Nines with an optimistic and joyful way of life that they might not be accustomed to. Sevens also provide Nines with a sense of wonder and a drive that the peacekeepers might not come by naturally. In turn, Nines often encourage Sevens to slow down and enjoy the moment they’re in rather than rushing to the next best thing.

Enneagram Eights

Eights are the challengers of the Enneagram. Always ready to have a debate or question something that doesn’t sit right with them, the Eights are warriors to their core, and they will try to flex their dominant nature in any way they can. 

Although they might be a hard shell to crack, Eights are also fiercely protective of their loved ones, and they will stop at nothing to seek justice and fight for the underdog. 

  • Eightss and Nines: Similar to other pairings that attract Nines, Eights provide the intense energy and power that Nines know they need in their life. Eights often push the Nines to go after what they want and give fuel to the fire. Nines provide the caring and nurturing love that Eights lacked in their life. 

Enneagram Nines

In case you haven’t noticed, this type pairs well with almost everyone. Nines are often called the peacekeepers of the Enneagram, but many experts have taken to calling them the chameleons as well. A Nine will morph into whoever and whatever their partner needs them to be. 

This slow-moving and content type is happy to be along for the ride, just as long as there are multiple snack breaks and you stop every hour to enjoy the scenery. Although Nines can get along with just about any number, they are most often attracted to two numbers. 

  • Nines and Ones: Ones are the Enneagrams who suffer the most from their inner critic. Because of this, the welcoming and loving nature that the Nine provides allows the One to feel safe to not only acknowledge their feelings but also rest along with the Nine. Because Ones are driven and structured at their core, they provide boundaries and growth that the Nine needs to succeed. 
  • Nines and Twos: While the One/Five duo might be the power couple of the Enneagram, the Nine/Two combo is the most loving couple on the Enneagram. This is a couple who is both passionate and dedicated to loving everyone who comes their way, no matter what. Nines will provide the love and adoration that the Two needs in their life, while the Two will provide the drive and direction that the Nine needs in order to succeed. 
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