I fully believe that no one’s love life is perfect. Knowing how you should be loved and also working to accept that love is one of the hardest things you can do and it takes a ton of self-reflection, growth, and understanding on both your and your partner’s part.
Even if you’re in the best relationship of your life and you and your partner are constantly working to grow closer to each other and working together to learn more about the other, there’s always room for improvement.
But if you’re stuck and not sure how you can improve your love life, we understand that frustration too and how uncomfortable it might feel to know that something is off, but not be sure what that something is.
This is one of the reasons why we suggest that you and your partner get very familiar with the Enneagram and the results that the two of you can get from the famous personality test. One of the many reasons why we love to suggest couples take the Enneagram test and work through their results with each other is because the test does an amazing job of explaining each person’s basic needs, fears, and how their type usually likes to feel love.
How Knowing Your Enneagram Number Can Upgrade Your Love Life
It’s no secret that the more you get to know about yourself and the more that you grow in your journey of self-love, the more you’ll be able to tell people how you want to be loved. One of the ways we love to suggest that people try to get to know themselves is by familiarizing themselves with their Enneagram types.
The Enneagram is a fascinating personality test that is composed of nine personality types. Everyone fits into one of those nine types and once they figure out their type, they can further discover things about themselves.
One of the reasons we suggest the Enneagram so often is because it’s not like other personality tests that might tell you how you react in situations or what you most enjoy in the world, but it gets deep into how you view the world, your biggest fears, your deepest desires, and how you want and need to be loved based on your Enneagram number.
Once you and your partner have taken the Enneagram test and are able to see your results, you can start looking at how you’ve loved each other in the past and comparing it with how both of you want to be loved based on your Enneagram type.
While the Enneagram isn’t fool-proof and there is a lot of room for interpretation and editing within the nine personality types, it is one of our all-time favorite ways for couples to begin their journey to knowing and understanding each other on a deeper level than ever before and it’s also a way for couples to examine their relationships and see if there are places they can grow in and improve on, based on the Enneagram test results.
If you’re curious as to how you can give your love life an upgrade based on your Enneagram type, keep reading!
Enneagram One – A Place to Let Their Inner Child Out
The Enneagram One is called the perfectionist of the Enneagram for a reason. Ones often try to make everything in their lives perfect and they always try to abide by all of the rules in everything they do out of fear of messing up and being labeled a bad person.
Ones are often the types on the Enneagram that will try to bottle their emotions up and put all of their efforts into being as perfect as they can so they will avoid any potential retributions. Many Ones fear that if they slip up and let their partners know that they’re not perfect in every way, their value will immediately deplete and they won’t be worthy of love anymore.
If you’re in a relationship with an Enneagram One, try to plan some spontaneous experiences that will honor them and make them feel seen. Bonus points if those experiences will also allow them to let their hair down and feel free to be as crazy and carefree as they need to be.
Enneagram Two – A Place of Reassurance of Stability
Enneagram Twos are often the people who are the most sought after in a relationship, but also the least praised. Enneagram Twos are the helpers of the Enneagram.
If you’re a Two who often gets overwhelmed by how much you’re giving and you feel as though you’re underappreciated, talk to your partner or the people that you’re often showing love to and let them know how you’re feeling. We understand that this might be incredibly difficult for you to do, but it’s also an important step toward self-love and a step away from burnout.
If your partner is an Enneagram Two, make sure that they know how much you love them and how thankful you are for all that they do in your relationship. It might also be helpful for you to tell them that they’ve done enough and they’re worthy of the love that they’re so willing to give out.
Enneagram Three – A Place To Acknowledge Their Accolades
Enneagram Threes are the achievers of the Enneagram and because of that, they often feel as though they can’t stop doing and performing or else they won’t be worthy of love.
If you’re a Three and any of these aforementioned traits resonate with you, it’s good to remind yourself that you are not only valuable because of what you have achieved and you are not worthy of love based on how much you’ve done.
If you’re in a relationship with a Three, always seek to encourage and love them throughout all that they do and show a real interest in all of their achievements. If you notice that your partner is beating themselves up about something or relying too heavily on people’s praises to keep them going, gently remind them that they’re worthy of love no matter what they achieve.
Enneagram Four – A Place for Redirection and Guidance
If you ever need to call someone who will cry with you and stand by you as you go through whatever emotions you might be feeling, you need to call a Four. The Fours of the Enneagram are the feelers and the emoters. They are often called the romantics, although some would venture to also referring to them as the drama queens of the Enneagram.
If you identify as a Four, you’ll know that you can have a deep and emotional reaction to just about anything. You will pour your heart and soul into any project that you’re passionate about and you get passionate about a lot of projects.
If you’re a Four and looking for a partner who will complement your dreamy and ambitious nature, you might also want to make sure that your partner is patient, grounded, and honest with you so that together, the two of you will be unstoppable.
Enneagram Five – A Place of Shared Passion
If you thought that Enneagram Fours were passionate, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Enneagram Fives are the investigators of the Enneagram. This means that they’re often extremely well-informed and an expert in whatever field they are drawn to.
We all know an Enneagram Five — someone who has dedicated their life and their free time to learning all there is to know about a certain subject matter and they pride themselves on their practical knowledge.
If you’re in a relationship with a Five, you might feel as though the ideas and subjects that you’re passionate about and knowledgeable of pale in comparison to the Five’s vast knowledge. But instead of getting insecure about that divide, look for a subject or a topic that will pique both of your interests and that the two of you can pursue with equal passion and vigor.
Enneagram Six – A Place to Safely Get Outside of Your Comfort Zone
Enneagram Sixes are the types of people who have giant purses filled to the brim with things that people might need ‘just in case’. Sixes are the types of people who came from incredibly unstable homes and pasts, so they seek stability, control, and protection in every single circumstance.
Sixes are also the loyalists of the Enneagram and they will fight anyone who threatens the people that they love. If you’re a Six, your days are more than likely spent preparing for the worst-case scenarios and making sure that you and the people you love are safe.
If you’re in a relationship with a Six, make sure to let them know that you hear and respect all of their worries and concerns and they’re valid for feeling their feelings, but then encourage them to step out of their comfort zones and live a little bit.
Enneagram Seven – A Place to Become Grounded
You know that friend who’s always down to do anything? What about that couple who is almost always traveling or doing something that you’ve never tried before? Odds are, these are the Enneagram Sevens in your life.
Sevens crave joy and spontaneous adventures. One of the Seven’s deepest fears is getting stuck in a rut or letting life pass them by. Because of this, the Seven is almost always doing something new and fun in their lives.
While these spontaneous people are some of the best to be around, especially if you’re an Enneagram One or Six and you need to learn to be a bit more spontaneous, Sevens need people around them to ground them and help them gain a realistic perspective of life.
Enneagram Eights – A Place to Feel Emotionally Vulnerable
Often labeled as the challengers of the Enneagrams, Eights will not back down from a fight easily. Eights are the Enneagram types that will fight for justice, no matter what the cost and they will not back down from a fight.
If you’re an Eight in a relationship with someone or you’re single, you might want to spend some time learning how to get in touch with your feelings and letting yourself feel everything.
If you’re in a relationship with an Eight, it’s important that you let them know that they’re not weak for having emotions or being upset about something, but instead, they’re strong for acknowledging those thoughts and feelings.
Enneagram Nines – A Place of Stability
Enneagram Nines are the peacekeepers of the Enneagram. This is the type who will avoid a fight at all costs, even if that means that they will avoid the growth that can be a result of disagreements.
If you’re an Enneagram Nine, you seek stability in your relationship and in your life. You do not function well when you’re under stress and the situations that bring you the most stress are often caused by discord or fights.
If you’re in a relationship with a Nine, make sure that you’re being compassionate about their abhorrence to discord and fights, but also let them know that even when the two of you do fight, that doesn’t mean that you don’t love them or that the relationship is doomed. It just provides another opportunity for the two of you to grow in your relationship with each other.
While there is a world of possibilities and things to discover and uncover when it comes to the Enneagram, the personality test can also help guide couples in their journey to creating their perfect love story.