Why You Get What You Give: Successful Online Dating Tips


Being successful with online dating is tough. When you first sign up for a dating app, you may just be there to “try it out.” You may be tempted by the concept of finding someone special to connect with over the internet but are feeling vulnerable and don’t really want to put yourself out there. And you’re not alone – tons of people make accounts and profiles with high hopes that their perfect match will come to them. 

Successful online dating happens when you put the work in. But why does it work? What is this “work” defined as – what actions do you need to take? And why are they effective? 

Let’s dive into these concepts and break down the work that goes into successful online dating. We’ll look at how these actions help you in your online dating life and why they’re likely to get you the success you want!

positive mindset

Work on Maintaining a Positive Mindset

When you’re dating online, your confidence can peak and drop. Putting yourself out into the dating world inherently makes you feel more vulnerable. At the first sign of rejection, many people can get disheartened. Their energetic dating spirit can be broken beyond repair. 

That’s why it takes work to actively and mindfully stick to a positive outlook so you can continue to pursue the results that will make all of the work worth it in the end. 

A positive mindset allows you to continue to work the system. If you don’t put the work into staying positive, you won’t keep putting the work into online dating – and then the system can’t work to your benefit. 

So how can we work to maintain a positive mindset when dating online? 

Let’s take a quick look at some key aspects of staying on your mental game.

Notice Negative Thoughts

The only way you’ll be able to counteract negative thoughts is by noticing them first. Identifying negative thoughts when you have them is more than half the battle. 

So, what negative thoughts are expected when you’re dating online? 

What should you be looking for to identify as typically negative in your thought process?

people on dating apps

1. “There are no good people in the online dating pool.” 

After you’ve had a few bad experiences with online matches, it can be natural to start thinking that every match you begin talking to will end up that way too. 

It’s essential to mindfully stop yourself from generalizing the bad apples to all of the apples on the online dating tree. Yes, the nature of online dating allows scammers and catfish to hop on there despite the best efforts of secure online dating apps.

But that doesn’t mean that your perfect person isn’t out there – they’re sitting somewhere in the dating pool waiting for you to connect with them (or waiting to find you and connect with you). 

There are good people in the online dating world – even one perfect person who’s there just to meet you! And the most important thing to remember about all of this is that at the end of the process, you only have to find that ONE!

dating app platforms

2. “Every platform I try isn’t good enough.”

This can be an easy outlet to blame any lack of immediate success on – it’s much easier to divert your disappointment from the process itself and put it on the dating apps you’re using. People who run into this negative thought pattern run the risk of jumping from site to site or app to app. 

Give the dating app some time to do its job. Patience is a virtue for a reason – it’s incredibly difficult to put into practice! But if you can work at avoiding this negative thought, it’ll be worth it in the form of finding more valuable matches. 

person falling in love

3. “All the good ones are already taken. Everyone on here is single for a reason.”

If you go into the online dating process with this negative thought, you’re setting yourself up for failure. It primes you to look for faults in every match you find, and when you’ve zeroed in on the bad qualities, you can be blinded to the ones that could make them a perfect match. 

So actively work to disregard these negative thoughts when it comes up because it’ll stop you from working the online dating system in a way that’ll work for you.

broken heart

4. “This is just too hard. Putting in the time and effort isn’t making a difference.”

If you negate your own efforts, you’re not likely to stay persistent. And persistence is critical when it comes to the online dating game. 

This sentiment will pass as long as you can work to offset this negative thought with continued action. Keep at it, and this negative outlook will go away, given a bit of time. You’ll be able to prove to yourself that putting in the time and effort is making a difference and is worth the difficulty when you start seeing more positive results. 

And when you put in the work consistently, you’re much more likely to get more positive results along the way – and find that one perfect result you’re looking for at the end of the process.


Active Positivity

The very fact that you’ve signed up for a dating app in the first place means that you have at least a glimmer of hope that someone special is there waiting to connect with you. Part of you believes that your ideal match can be found through online dating. By actively capitalizing on this positive concept, you’ll be able to find more success by working the online dating game. 

Many of us are in the online dating pool after having been through disappointing relationships. This can mean that we’re already prone to having a skeptical outlook, which can benefit us by helping us keep scammers and catfish at bay. But if this skepticism gets out of hand, it can limit our ability to find high-quality matches that could be the right ones for us to try and connect with. 

The main takeaway here is to make sure to keep your positive concept of finding someone larger than your skeptical outlook. Don’t let negative presumptions outweigh your hope of finding someone special! Keeping your negativity in check will allow you to continue to pursue matches without being overly critical – which gives more people a chance to impress you. 

bounce back

The Ability to Bounce Back

When you put the time and effort into maintaining a positive outlook on online dating, you’ll be able to be more resilient when going through the inevitable mismatches you must experience in order to find your perfect person. Not everyone’s going to be a winner. And not everyone you think will be a winner will end up being fully compatible with you

That’s why you need to put the work into noticing and counteracting negative thoughts, as well as staying actively positive. You’ll avoid spiraling into negative thoughts that stunt your ability to put in the effort needed to find someone special. 

work the hours

Work the Hours

If you want to be successful online dating, you must put in the time to work it! And it’s not necessarily a small commitment. While you can obviously date in your free time, it will probably be a lengthy process that requires time and patience. But if you put in the right amount of time and patience, you’ll probably find the results you’re looking for!

Whether you get contacted or reach out to people, you’re going to have to have conversations with plenty of people to get a good feeling for them. Lots of these will continue, and that takes time. While matches that aren’t compatible fall away, you’ll get closer to others over time

Eventually, the matches that seem to be working well with you will want to meet you. Then, you need to put in the time to go on dates. There are plenty of first dates that won’t work out. However, one of them will come eventually – and then you may never need to engage in the online dating process ever again!

All of these actions take time – and this time will almost certainly add up to hours of your life. But your perfect match is worth putting in the hours! Taking the journey in stride and continuing to commit time to the process is the only way online dating can work for you. So work the hours you need in order to get the results you want!

work the angles

Work All the Angles

There are plenty of strategies to try when it comes to online dating. Putting in the work to see which of these works best for you is one of the best ways to help propel yourself toward success. Work all the angles you can possibly work, and give yourself a better chance at seeing favorable results than if you stuck to one stubborn strategy. 

But what angles can you work on, and how can you adjust them?

  • Adjust Your Filters
  • Change Your Profile Photos
  • Communication Methods
  • Don’t Stop Editing Your Bio
  • Change Up Your Profile Questions

stick to priorities

Work on Setting and Sticking to Priorities

Setting some ground rules for yourself before you start or continue online dating can benefit you immensely. It’s extremely important to set boundaries for yourself so that you don’t get sucked into communicating endlessly with matches that aren’t what you’re looking for. Saying “no” to red flags, people who don’t treat you correctly, and people you know aren’t the perfect match for you will save you time and energy. Working on setting and sticking to priorities will also open up your online dating schedule so that you can have time to find and connect with the person that’s right for you!

  • Set Your Red Flags and Stick to Them
  • Set Your Standards and Stick to Them
  • Mindfully Stop Yourself from Settling


So, why does online dating work when you put the work in? Because it keeps you in the best possible position to find the love you’re looking for! If you put the work into the different categories we went over, your probability of finding successful results is high. 

Actively put work into maintaining your mindset. Put in the time it takes to find a special someone through the online dating process. Mix up your strategies and determine what works best for you through trial and error. And set unwavering priorities that’ll keep you focused on your goal. 

Check out our extensive list of dating app reviews if you’re unsure where to start.

Put the work into online dating in all these ways, and the online dating process will work for you!

man leaning against wall looking at phone

The Science of Attraction | Revealing Stats About Online Dating and Human Behavior

The world of online dating has gone bonkers (in a good way) in the past 20 years, changing dating apps from a last-ditch effort to ...
woman in front of notebook pointing with pencil beside here

The Best Dating Advice I Ever Received

In my life, I have gotten some wonderful advice about dating and romantic relationships. Did I always take this sage wisdom? Of course, I didn’t. ...
couple embracing with flowers and rainbow around them

Embracing Imperfections | Why Authenticity is More Important than Perfection in Relationships

Every single person on this planet carries their own personal notions about love, a concept that is not easily detached from societal influences. Romcom films ...