The Enneagram’s Influence on Attraction | Why Certain Types Magnetize Each Other


The enigmatic Enneagram—a personality typing system that assigns us into nine core types. Forget Harry Potter sorting house hats and astrological signs; the Enneagram is where the real soul-searching—and partner-searching—happens. 

But do birds of a feather flock together, or do opposites attract? Let’s delve into the world of Enneagrams and find out why certain types seem to be irresistibly drawn to each other like magnets.

The Basics: Nine Sides to Every Story

In the Enneagram world, you’re not just a single number; you’re a complex mix with certain aspects of each type and other nuanced characteristic traits. But let’s keep it simple for now and focus on the primary classifications:

Don’t be fooled by the names—being a ‘Challenger’ doesn’t mean you’ll be automatically ready to enter the octagon in a winner-takes-all- crazy cage fight. It’s more about your emotional and cerebral tendencies. 

But how do these dispositions translate into the steamy stuff when it comes to romantic relationships? 

Enneagram Attraction Dynamics

What types are attracted to others and why? Should a 4 stay away from a 7? While there are no hard and fast rules, there are some indications of which types feel that magnetic pull when it comes to matters of love, and there are also a few no-nos that could clash. 

Here are the types that gravitate toward one another:


Type 1 and Type 2: The Caretakers

When a Type 1 ‘Perfectionist’ meets a Type 2 ‘Helper,’ sparks fly, but not because of any pyrotechnic mishaps. The Perfectionist’s quest for a perfect world is complemented by the Helper’s nurture-by-nature. Type 1s provide the moral compass, and Type 2s contribute emotional support. It’s kinda like a row boat with balanced oars—ideal for getting from one side of a lake to the other smoothly.

power couple

Type 3 and Type 9: The Power Couple

Pair an ‘Achiever’ with a ‘Peacemaker,’ and what do you get? A high-powered CEO and their Zen yoga practitioner romantic partner? Perhaps! The Achiever blossoms on validation and success, while the Peacemaker keeps them on the ground, reminding them to pause and take it all in. In return, Type 3 helps Type 9 with a sense of purpose and direction.

depth divers

Type 4 and Type 5: The Depth Divers

These two are the ones writing creative stories or trying to uncover the mysteries of the world—sometimes both at the same time. The ‘Individualist’ finds solace in the ‘Investigator’s’ intellectual pursuits, while the Investigator is bewitched by the emotional extent of the Individualist. It’s like a prom king or queen and a nerd, but with zero awkwardness—they balance each other.

the protectors

Type 6 and Type 8: The Protectors

A ‘Loyalist’ and a ‘Challenger’ in a romantic relationship can seem like a Tom Clancy thriller. The Type 6 wants security, and who better to provide that than a Type 8, the embodiment of strength and resilience? Meanwhile, the Challenger finds the Loyalist’s commitment grounding—this is a dynamic duo where each can be the other’s superhero—no tights or capes required!

the balancers

Type 7 and Type 1: The Balancers

Mix the ‘Enthusiast’s’ gusto for life with the ‘Perfectionist’s’ disciplined approach, and you have a cocktail that’s not too sweet or bitter—it’s just right. The Type 7 offers the Type 1 an escape route out of their fixed routine, while the Type 1 provides the Enthusiast with a reality check when their fantasies or dreams spiral, and they need to come back to earth.

The Exceptions: Not All Unions are Made in Enneagram Heaven

While these pairings may seem perfect, they aren’t out-in-out rules. Some Types that theoretically should repel each other might discover a surprising magnetic pull. Enneagram attraction isn’t always logical—it’s as much a mystery as why cats hate water or why we push the elevator button again like it’ll make it arrive faster. 

Clashing Couplings?

While the Enneagram can point to potential synergies between types, it also highlights conflicts that could erupt, like a Mentos mint in a soda bottle. Here’s a rundown of potentially catastrophic clashes:

free spirit vs discipline

Type 1 and Type 7: The Disciplinarian and the Free Spirit

Imagine a librarian at a rave. That’s roughly what it’s like when a Type 1, ‘The Perfectionist,’ gets entangled with a Type 7, ‘The Enthusiast.’ While Type 1 seeks order, Type 7 is off, already looking for the next thrill. This pair could teach each other some valuable life lessons, but it’s going to be a long, uphill battle.

giver vs taker

Type 2 and Type 8: The Giver and the Taker

The Type 2 ‘Helper’ thrives on providing for others, while Type 8 ‘The Challenger’ loves to take the reins. On paper, it sounds like a match, but in reality, the power dynamics can get tricky. The Helper may feel unappreciated, and the Challenger could find themselves caged in by the neediness of their mate.

showman vs artist

Type 3 and Type 4: The Showman and the Artist

While both these types are driven by a need for attention, the ways they go after it can be like oil and water. The Type 3 ‘Achiever’ is focused on external validation and could find the Type 4 ‘Individualist’s’ introspection and need to be quirky quite annoying.

scholar vs security guard

Type 5 and Type 6: The Scholar and the Security Guard

The Type 5 ‘Investigator’ is all about gaining knowledge and could feel suffocated by the Type 6 ‘Loyalist’s’ need for safety and constant reassurance. Meanwhile, the Loyalist may find the Investigator’s emotional detachment confusing and depressing.

dreamer vs realist

Type 9 and Type 1: The Dreamer and the Realist

Though both types seek peace, their routes are wildly different. The Type 9 ‘Peacemaker’ avoids conflict at all costs, while the Type 1 ‘Perfectionist’ will confront and correct perceived imperfections head-on. This could lead to a cycle of passive-aggressiveness from the Type 9 and irritation for the Type 1.

Remember, clashes aren’t necessarily a romantic death sentence. Sometimes, they provide the discord needed for growth. And let’s face it, a little friction can sometimes be, well, fun. However, understanding these potential romantic roadblocks can prepare you for the hazard signs on the highway of love. It’s always better to know where the potholes are to avoid them—or decide to take the off-ramp.


Ultimately, it’s not just your Enneagram type that dictates your romantic destiny. A number is def not the only thing that determines your lot in love. The Enneagram can serve as a helpful roadmap, highlighting potential positive enneagram attractions and aiding in navigating around negative ones. 

However, it’s just one of the many tools in the intricate choreography of love. After all, as Shakespeare put it, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” The Bard know-ith of what he spoke-ith!

So go forth boldly, magnets young and old and every age in between, and alter and attract. Just remember, when it comes to love, the Enneagram can’t do the hard work; that’s up to you! But it can certainly offer a couple of shortcuts—or scenic detours—along the way.

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