What is Chemistry in a Relationship?


It’s very possible to go years without experiencing it, and then, all of a sudden, it hits you like a ton of bricks when you meet someone new. The connection is palpable—the chemistry is off-the-charts crazy. 

And a successful romantic relationship hinges on both chemistry and compatibility between the two people involved in the chemistry equation of love.

Each person has their own interpretation of what chemistry in a relationship looks like. For some, it might manifest as easy and playful banter. For others, it might be an intuitive understanding of the other person’s thoughts and emotions. Chemistry can either be immediate, or it can develop over time, depending on the unique connection you establish with your partner. Here are some indicators to help you recognize if you and your partner have chemistry.

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What Exactly is Chemistry?

Chemistry in a relationship is often described as something elusive and not always tied to physical attributes or specific criteria like personality characteristics or shared interests. Rather, it’s that natural and lasting connection you feel with someone. This spark is exemplified by couples who still experience excitement, like “butterflies” fluttering around in their belly, when they see their partner after spending time apart.

Did you know that these “butterflies” have a name?? We didn’t, but we do now! The term “limerence” is the official definition for these “butterflies.” In the early stages of a relationship, aka the honeymoon phase, limerence is what couples feel when they are intensely drawn to each other, to the point where they can hardly think of anything else.

Chemistry can be likened to a spark that ignites between two individuals. It might be challenging to articulate exactly what this spark entails, but its presence is undeniable when you see—or feel—it.

Romantic chemistry in a relationship can also be viewed as a chemical bond between two people—this is a pheromone thing. When chemistry exists, both feel an overwhelming desire to spend every minute together, and it doesn’t matter what they are doing as long as they’re with each other.

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How Important is Chemistry in a Relationship?

Super important! Think about the phenomenon of limerence, which signifies an intense, initial attraction. For a romantic relationship to potentially endure, it often starts with this phase of being infatuated from the moment two people meet.

Limerence is an early indicator of chemistry, which can grow into lasting trust and commitment over time, so it’s a key contributor to a relationship’s success. It drives the desire to be together and build something enduring. The fire of relationship chemistry keeps things passionate, especially as routines set in and everyday challenges pop up.

Without chemistry, a relationship will probably lack excitement and intensity, making it feel dull and even boring. But when you have chemistry on your side, even the simplest activities are enjoyable, it is just plain fun to be with your partner.

Chemistry also brings heightened emotional intimacy and a sense of harmony with your partner. A lack of it results in even a couple who look perfect on paper will probably struggle to maintain a fulfilling and happy relationship.

Are There Different Types?

Yes! There are five primary types of chemistry in relationships, and they are as follows:

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  • Physical: This occurs when there is a mutual physical attraction between two people. It’s important to distinguish this from mere lust.
  • Codependency: This type of chemistry involves a reliance on a partner for emotional fulfillment to an unhealthy degree. It’s characterized by feeling unable to function without them, which can be problematic for a long time.
  • Shared Purpose: When two individuals have aligned life goals, they often form a strong connection. They understand and relate to each other’s ambitions and challenges, creating an instant bond.
  • Personal Growth: This chemistry develops between people who seek progress in their personal lives. It arises when one feels that the other person contributes positively to their personal development.
  • Sexual: Y’all know what this means, but basically it’s a super strong sexual attraction between partners, translating to a lot of time in the bedroom—or other rooms. You get the idea. 

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Why is it Important?

There are five big reasons that underscore the importance of chemistry in romantic relationships!

  • Foundation for Commitment and Trust: Chemistry acts as the first step toward establishing solid trust and commitment within a relationship.
  • Sustaining Interest Over Time: Chemistry ensures that a relationship remains engaging and emotionally close, even as time goes by.
  • Ease of Communication and Comfort: When there’s chemistry, conversations, and a natural sense of comfort with each other effortlessly.
  • Preventing Boredom Post-Honeymoon Phase: Without chemistry, a relationship may become blasé once the initial excitement fades.
  • Finding Joy in Everyday Activities: Chemistry in a relationship means even mundane tasks, like folding laundry, are fun simply because they involve being with your partner.

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Building on Chemistry in a Relationship

If you’ve experienced initial chemistry but it’s dwindled a bit, here are some helpful tips to get it back to where it was!

  • Deep Conversations: Engage in meaningful, open-ended discussions to build trust and understanding.
  • Time Apart: Sometimes, spending time apart can reignite a dwindling spark.
  • Recreate First Dates: Reliving your first date can rekindle the initial attraction and excitement.
  • New Experiences: Stepping out of your comfort zone together can strengthen your bond.
  • Understanding Body Language: Non-verbal cues like eye contact and touch are crucial in expressing and enhancing chemistry.
  • Prioritize Time Together: Regularly dedicating time to be with each other can maintain and bring back the chemistry.


Chemistry in a relationship is key—it’s what gives you that exciting spark and passion with your significant other. But it’s not enough on its own; oh no—a strong relationship also needs compatibility. You need to have things in common and treat each other well. 
If you have both chemistry and compatibility, your relationship has a great chance of lasting and being a successful love story. While most believe instant chemistry can’t be forced, which is a valid argument and true to some extent, if your relationship lacks chemistry, there are ways to try and develop it over time. But that’s another story!

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