Want to hear a Bumble success story? One night, not so long ago, I downloaded the dating app Bumble; it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Full disclosure, I haven’t always been the biggest fan of dating apps. I’m banned from Tinder, I have met multiple crazies, first dates are my biggest fears, and I don’t like talking to people — something Bumble forces you to do.
Nevertheless, I was bored one night and needed something to do, so I downloaded Bumble, swiped on the app for thirty minutes, and met the love of my life.
Our Bumble Success Story
I know that millions of people find love on dating apps (more than 20,000 marriages have happened because of Bumble). Still, I had never really believed in the statistics. Instead, I downloaded the app because it gave me something to do while hopefully providing me with some compliments from strangers.
I was sitting in my friend’s apartment, scrolling through an endless stream of guys who didn’t interest me at all, when I found someone I recognized.
“I’ve been in love with this man for four years, should I swipe right?”
“Sure, what do you have to lose?”
I met a guy four years ago who I deemed my perfect man. I was a freshman in the theatre department; he was a junior. We had once interacted, and I still remember every single detail of the interaction. He remembers nothing. Four years later, he was out of college, and I had changed my major. We’d seen each other in the hallways but had never really interacted enough to actually talk.
The First Bumble Message
“We definitely have had a conversation in the theatre hallway before.”
“We did? I don’t remember that. lol”
Cut to me being mortified and debating unmatching with him immediately. But I didn’t, and we continued the conversation for a while. Mind you, he was not the only guy I was messaging that night. He was also not the first one to ask me out. But he was the only one that mattered.
After about an hour of talking, he asked me out on a coffee date. I said yes, but in the back of my mind, I was already debating running. I hate coffee dates. But that would be next week’s problem when I would miraculously have something pop up that I couldn’t avoid, and Bumble Boy would be a sweet anecdote in my dating history.
The First Date
The next day, he messaged me asking what I was doing, and I told him I was shopping for Christmas decorations. He suggested we head to Target after my classes were done, and I completely freaked out.
I had gotten dressed for my classes, but I was far more casual than I would be for a first date. I also hadn’t prepared for a first date that morning and had considerably less time to do my 24-72 hour freak-out and anxiety spiral that all first dates call for. But I showed up at Target, ready to walk through the aisles and get out of the store as fast as possible.
And then I met Andrew, and suddenly, everything was right in the world. The first time I saw him can only be described as coming home after a long, hard day. Some people don’t just feel like home to you; they are your home. These are your soulmates in life. If you meet someone who feels like home, don’t let them go. It’s a rare gift to find, know, and love someone who is equally your safest place and grandest adventure. And that’s who Andrew is to me.
We walked around Target for an hour (a prelude to the next two years and likely the rest of our lives), then we walked around the entire shopping center. After two and a half hours, I had to go home to do something.
But I didn’t want the date to end. He came home with me and stayed far too long. We deleted Bumble immediately, he told me he loved me the next day, and the rest is history.
I have to be honest; I don’t know if I would have found my fiancé on Bumble if Andrew wasn’t on it. But I also can say I wouldn’t have discovered my fiancé without Bumble.
While I knew of Andrew before (and had been in love with him for four years), the accessibility and ease that the app provided made our relationship possible.
If you’re trying to find your soulmate on the app, don’t lose hope. I had been on every single dating app for four years before and found nothing but duds and dating horror stories.
While I don’t necessarily call myself an expert, here are some tips if you want to try online dating.
Don’t Swipe Right on Everyone
It can be incredibly tempting to swipe right on literally everyone you’re presented with, especially if you want to match with someone. However, it can slow the process down a lot. The thing about Bumble is that only the woman can message first (unless you’re matching with someone of the same gender). If you’re the woman looking for a date online in this situation, understand that you only have so much free time to message everyone you’re matched with.
It’s easier to weed out anyone with whom you don’t see a future during the swiping stage instead of going back once you’ve matched with someone and debating if they’re worth a message.
It’s nice to know that everyone you’ve matched with on Bumble has already been slightly ‘vetted,’ and you feel as though you could have a good relationship with them.
Don’t Use Too Many Dating Apps
To further eliminate decision fatigue, don’t download every single dating app. While swiping on multiple apps might give you more options, it will burn you out faster. Also, more than likely, you’ll see the same people on every app. There might be a few outliers, but it’s more worth your time to focus on just one app at a time.
If you concentrate on one or two apps, you’ll also be more likely to find a quality person on one app rather than swiping through unending lists of men, women, and possible bots that are sure to be on each app.
Using multiple apps cheapens the dating app experience. It becomes more of a chore to swipe through, and you can begin to approach dating and finding a partner negatively.
If you’re wondering which dating app to use, we have endless reviews for them on our website.
Don’t Say Yes to Every Date
Are you noticing a theme yet? Don’t worry; this is the last warning about overload and fatigue. You are a catch, and many people on dating apps will want to ask you out. Don’t feel as though you must say “yes” to every date.
Just as you would weed out multiple apps and matches, you can’t go on too many dates because it will create cognitive overload. They’ll begin to feel more like a chore and not special anymore.
Dr. Helen Fisher, Ph.D., tells InStyle, “The brain is not well built to choose between hundreds or thousands of alternatives.” If you’re constantly going on dates, you’re creating more decisions and decision fatigue for your brain. Soon, you won’t want to date anymore because you’ll be overwhelmed and feel too much pressure.
Only say yes to the dates that make you have butterflies and the people who excite you.
Limit Your Time on Dating Apps
Spending all of your free time swiping can be amusing, but it also damages your brain. By constantly swiping, you’re reminding yourself, consciously or unconsciously, that there will always be more options. While you want to find the best option for you, you also don’t want to become a slave to your phone, addicted to finding the next best thing.
Spend about 10-20 minutes a day on dating apps and then be done with them. You might want to turn off app notifications since they’re usually not important. You can find out who matched with you at a designated time rather than constantly thinking about and stressing over it.
Ask Deep Questions
Odds are, you don’t want to be messaging a person on Bumble for more than a week. You’ll likely want to know if the person is an actual match for you and then move to the first date phase pretty quickly. Because of this time limit, don’t waste your messages asking questions that won’t lead anywhere.
Instead, ask about things and topics that matter, like the following:
- What are your interests?
- What do you want out of this dating app?
- What brings you joy?
These questions will help you know if you can relate to them and if they seem like someone you would want to get to know better. While it’s nice to ask questions to ease into conversations, make sure to be intentional with your messages.
Don’t Worry About the First Message
I’ve only been on two dating apps, and I did judge the guys on Tinder based on their messages. That being said, a causal ‘Hey’ didn’t deter me from messaging back hundreds of people, and it won’t prevent anyone you match with either.
While it might be in your favor to message something cute, quirky, funny, romantic, or whatever you want, don’t let the stress of crafting a perfect first message freak you out and cause unneeded stress or hesitancy.
Take a Chance if You See Someone You Know
Unless you’re on Bumble while on vacation, you’ll probably see someone you know on the app. Dating apps are very common, and you’ll inevitably run into someone while swiping.
While it might feel embarrassing to see and match with someone you knew before getting on the app, it can also be very rewarding. If you already know the person, or at least know of them, it takes some of the pressure off of you to learn everything about this new person. Strangely, it feels like a bit of a lifeline.
Online dating can be complicated and exhausting sometimes, and it’s good to have a buddy during it. Even if you don’t match and nothing comes from it, always swipe right on the people you know.
Don’t Put a Time Limit on the First Date
First dates are incredibly nerve-wracking, no matter who you are or who you’re meeting. I hated every first date before meeting my fiancé. I would have hated our original first date plan if we hadn’t rescheduled.
While going out to dinner is a classic date (and usually gets you a free meal), it can be more stressful than it’s worth. You might not know the vibe; you can put undue pressure on what to order, how many drinks you get, and even who pays. Also, for better or worse, there’s an invisible time limit on dinner. You can’t get up and leave in the first five minutes, but if the date is going well, you also can’t necessarily stay there for three hours.
That’s why I suggest going somewhere casual for the first date. Go on a walk around the park, go to Target, or maybe even get a cup of coffee. These dates can take 20 minutes, but they can also be elongated if the date is successful.
While online dating can be difficult and scary, it also opens up a new world of opportunities and people you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Be safe and use caution, but also have fun. You’re allowed to enjoy your time on these apps, and you’re allowed to fall in love with someone you met on Bumble. I promise that online dating is worth all the momentary stress and anxiety you might feel. And who knows? You might also meet your fiancé on Bumble.