Wake Up, Girl! He’s Only Using You- How to Tell if a Guy Is a Player


Sometimes, it’s obvious when a guy is only using you. For example, he never wants to take you out on a date, but he doesn’t hesitate to call when he needs a few dollars this month to make his car payment.

Then there are the guys you think like you, but their intentions aren’t pure. But how do you know for sure? Learn how to tell if he’s a player so that you can be one step ahead of his BS game!

Let’s set the scene; you signed up for an online dating app like eHarmony. You match with the perfect guy who is hot and has a great personality, which seems to be a rarity lately. You’ve gone out on a few dates, and you really like him, but it seems like all he’s doing is playing games with you.

It’s not a great feeling to know that a guy you enjoy hanging out with is just using you or messing around with you just for the sake of it. To determine a guy’s intentions with you ahead of time, you’ll need to read all the correct signs to help you decide if he truly likes you or is playing you.

Your time is just as valuable as everyone else’s, and more importantly, your love is priceless. People understand this, yet some of them still waste your time and toy with your emotions. 

People like this aren’t good, but you can’t escape the reality that they’re out there. So, instead, you’ll have to learn how to spot the signs so you can stay far away.

You’ve heard stories about guys manipulating girls into being with them even when they mistreat them. They want one thing and will do what’s necessary to get it. However, if you know how to tell if a guy is playing you, you’ll avoid being yet another notch on their bedpost. 

Playing You vs. Playing Hard to Get

Being mysterious and elusive is all fun and games until he abruptly reveals his true personality in a manner that leaves you angry and heartbroken. No amount of that kind of mystery is good, but there is a difference between playing you and playing hard to get.

For example, when someone plays hard to get, it means that they’re interested in you and don’t want to seem too eager. They want to be with you, but they incorrectly assume that playing hard to get will make you more interested in them.

Of course, most people know that playing hard to get isn’t the best tactic because it has great potential to backfire. But some still insist that it’s a successful method. The issue is that it can be frustrating because it’s hard to tell whether he’s playing you for real or whether he’s serious and has awful flirting skills.

When guys play you, they have no intention of trying to be with you seriously. They’re simply toying with you because they think it’s entertaining. So, it requires some detective work to learn how to tell if he’s playing you.

Why Do Guys Play Girls?

We’d love to say that they don’t mean to be malicious, but most of the time, guys know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. They know what to say and how to act to get a girl in bed, but they don’t have any plans to make her more than a one-night stand. Instead, they’ll do whatever they can to get whatever they want.

Unfortunately, some girls fall prey to their malicious intent and wind up liking and caring about the guy. Since she likes him, she’ll do everything he wants.

Guys play girls for no other reason than to satisfy their selfish needs.

Of course, we can’t ignore the fact that many girls out there do the same thing, and the motivation behind their actions is the same.  

Stop Wasting Your Time!

When you notice the indicators that a guy playing you, you can “abort mission!” before things become too serious. And honestly, those signs are likely a lot easier to spot than you realize. 

Here’s what to watch for so you can determine when he’s totally playing you.

1. He’s Constantly Complimenting You

It can seem like compliments come from a place of admiration and love, but often, they come from a place of wanting to make you feel good about yourself. When you feel good, you feel confident, and it’s difficult to see the real problems at play.

One or two occasional compliments are okay, but when a guy showers you with compliments, he might be playing you. It’s fine for him to make you feel good, but sometimes his over-complimenting can be excessive. He’s doing this to distract you from something, and that’s typically the game he’s running on you.

2. He Only Texts or Calls You Late at Night

In other words, you’re his booty call! This is a huge sign that he’s playing you because if he’s only texting you late at night, how much do you think he cares about you?

If he were interested in more than just sex with you, he’d often talk to you throughout the day because he wants to know more about how your day is going. He’d ask you out on a proper date to the movies or dinner (or even afternoon coffee, sheesh!) Instead of giving the 3 AM “U up?” text, he’d call you at a decent hour to talk and get to know more about you.

3. You Don’t Go Out in Public on Your Dates

This is a big sign, especially if all he wants to do is stay home because he thinks those are “more romantic.” Don’t fall for that BS line. He’s playing you and thinks you’re not worth spending money on. 

When you complain, he may offer to take you out but conveniently forget his wallet, so you have to cover the bill. In short, he got a free meal and didn’t have to make a considerable effort to get it.

Another reason he doesn’t take you out is that he may not want to risk running into any of the other girls he’s dating. He’s simply covering his own ass. 

4. He Doesn’t Let You See His Phone

Guys hide their phones because they have something they don’t want you to see, which indicates that he’s playing you. If he has other girls he’s seeing, he doesn’t want you to view his phone, so he’s always shielding it from you. None of the text conversations with his friends should need to be so private that he stops you from seeing them all together. 

5. You’ve Never Met His Friends

If you are involved with someone on a romantic level and the feelings are genuine, you eventually meet each other’s friends. You become involved in one another’s lives, and if the guy you’re seeing isn’t doing that, he’s likely playing you. 

When you haven’t met his friends, it indicates that his friends might not even know you exist. Does he genuinely have feelings for you if he’s not telling his pals about you? We’d say no!

Not introducing you to his friends indicates that he’s using you for something other than a romantic relationship, so beware.

6. He Doesn’t Give Details on His Whereabouts

know his comings and goings. Instead, you’re left to wonder where he’s been and what he’s been up to, and when you ask, he just says “out.”

Guys like this don’t want you to know what they’re doing because he’s probably been somewhere you would disapprove of, like an ex’s house, so he decides to remain silent about it.

7. You’re Not Added On His Social Media Accounts

This is one of the most significant signs that he’s playing you. You two are dating, so it only makes sense. If you’ve been dating for a while, you should be, at the very least, added as a “friend” on their social media. 

But if he’s actively not adding you at all, it’s likely because he posts images that he doesn’t want you to view. He also might not want other girls he’s “friends” with to know about you. 

Another reason he doesn’t friend you on social media is that he fears you may comment on one of his posts, eluding to the fact that you’re dating each other. But for a player like him, that goes for all women he’s dating. 

8. You Only See Him When He’s Available

You only spend time together when he’s available, and he expects you to change your plans so you can accommodate him. He does this because he has little time between all the girls he’s seeing, so he lets you know when he’s ready. 

He also doesn’t want to plan things too far in advance with you because he’s unsure when he will drop you from his roster, so he likes to keep your get-togethers open.  

9. He Doesn’t Say Much about Himself

How much do you know about him? Forget his childhood and where he grew up (although that’s good to know, too); if you don’t know the basics, like what he does for a living or where he lives, you probably aren’t on his radar to be a romantic interest. 

When a guy doesn’t give you too many personal details about himself, he’s not forming a connection with you, and the only reason he’s not is if he plans to cut you loose in the not-so-distant future.  

10. He Doesn’t Account For His Absences

Is he the type of guy who goes missing for hours without calling or texting? If so, he could be playing you. One way to know for certain is how he responds to your inquiries about his absence.

For example, is he dismissive and waves his hand and says he was “out” or “busy?” If so, he’s probably playing you.

11. His Response to Your Anger Is More Compliments

If you want to know if he likes you or is playing you, see how he takes to arguments.

When you’re mad at him, does he attempt to understand why and try to fix it? Or does he shower you with a ton of compliments? If it’s the latter, he’s probably playing you, so you forget why you were mad in the first place. Please don’t fall for it. Instead, stick to the discussion at hand, so you can tell him how you feel. If you don’t, you’ll resent him later.  

12. You Feel like He’s Trying to Sell You Something, but You’re Not Quite Sure What

This guy is akin to a used car salesman, but the only difference is that he’s not trying to sell you a car. Instead, he’s pushing his charm off onto you and wants to see if you’ll buy it. Often, it feels like he’s trying to work you over, but that’s because he is. He uses subtle tactics to get you to do what he wants. The sooner you realize he’s playing you, the sooner you can move on. 

13. He’s Dressed to Impress

When a guy approaches you and is way too trendy, flashy, and manicured to the “T,” you are probably dealing with someone who has been around the dating block several times. They know what to say and what to wear to get you to gravitate toward them. Guys who want to play you must perfect the art of attraction, so they dress to play the part. 

14. He Smells Like He Spilled a Whole Cologne Bottle on Himself

This type of guy knows how to use all his wiles to get you to do what he wants, including dressing and smelling the part of the player. If you catch a whiff of the guy as he stands several feet away, it’s safe to assume that he is either a player or, at best, a cologne salesman giving his product a trial run.

15. He Gaslights for Making Assumptions

On the other hand, if he begins calling you crazy for being mad or assuming that he’s playing you, then he probably is. 

Gaslighting is a tactic players use to manipulate people. He figures if you think you’re being unreasonable, you’ll drop your issue. 

16. He Is Much to Forward

A player is all about winning, no matter the costs. Players are called that because they got game–at least, most do. They know all the right things to say and do and come on way too strong, somehow making it look endearing and not cringy.

So, they put everything front and center to see if you are willing to play along with them or if they should find a more gullible opponent who will fall for their “charm.”

17. You’re Constantly Getting Side-Eyed by Other Women around You

A player is good at annoying women, so if you suddenly get dirty looks from other girls around him when he approaches you, that means you aren’t his first victim and definitely not his last.

Don’t worry. The women aren’t hating on you (not really). Instead, they’re hating on him for his playing ways and are probably trying to give you a non-verbal heads-up. Proceed with caution. 

18. Everyone at the Club Knows His Name

He can’t hide from everyone, so when the people behind the bar know him, the wait staff knows him, and the bouncers know him, he’s obviously in the club quite a bit. If he visits a single’s club regularly, you can assume it’s for something other than the exquisite cuisine. 

19. He Always Has a Comeback

Guys like this have every witty comeback known to man to whatever it is you have to say because they’ve heard it all before. They’re prepared at all times for any situation that arises. 

They’ve had trial and error experience that makes them experts at making everything sound rehearsed. They know what to say and do to calm you down because that’s a player’s job, and they’re good at it.

20. His Cell Phone Blows up Constantly

He’s a busy guy, so his phone is always blowing up with girls he has either lied to, is keeping on the sidelines, or has pissed off.

Don’t become one of these women. If his phone goes off all the time and he scrambles to hide the notifications from you, best believe something shady is going on. 

21. He’s a Natural Dancer

Most men aren’t that into dancing, but if they are, it’s usually not because they enjoy it. They learn their sexy, show-stopping moves to impress the ladies. A guy is likely a player if he’s a natural out on the dance floor and has the moves to rival any professional dancer.

22. He Never Takes No for an Answer

Your guy doesn’t take “no” for an answer, which is one of the biggest signs he’s a player. He treats your answers like a game, and accepting them is optional. For players, a woman who says “no” is a challenge, and he won’t wave the white flag without using his best attempts. 

23. He Has Plenty of “Girlfriends” Who Are “Just Friends”

At least, that is the story he gives you. Sure, guys have some friends of the opposite sex, but if you get the impression they are more than just their buddies, trust your inner voice.

A guy with a harem of women instead of a group of male buddies probably isn’t sleeping alone when you’re not around, so keep a watchful eye out.

24. You Have a Gut Feeling You Can’t Trust Him

There’s just something about this guy that you can’t quite put your finger on, but you distrust him immensely. You constantly have a feeling that he’s trying to hide or hold back something from you. In this case, go with your intuition and dump the guy because he’s probably playing you. 

25. He’s Locked Every Device

Once he has you, he keeps passcodes on his computer, his phone, and everything else to keep your prying eyes away. Once in his life, he will keep you at arm’s length.

Since he juggles several women at once, you start noticing all his devices are locked. Passcodes are his way of keeping everyone he plays in the dark.

26. He’s Never Had a Serious Girlfriend

This is a red flag alert! A guy well into his 20s and 30s who has never had a serious relationship before is someone to be wary of. Either he is the non-committal type, or he enjoys having a variety to choose from instead of one flavor. Neither one is good, so grab your bags and go before he makes you another one of his “flavors.”

27. He Refuses to Take Your Relationship to the Next Level

If you attempt to take your relationship beyond the occasional booty call or late-night meet-up, he comes up with all sorts of excuses to make himself unavailable. He wants to avoid taking it to the next level or even to his place. After all, a player enjoys the chase, and once he’s caught you, he’s lost interest. 

The only reason he’s unavailable is because he makes himself available to the other women he’s pursuing. 

28. He Doesn’t Divulge His Secrets

You barely know anything about him, even the surface stuff like his height and favorite color. He doesn’t share intimate details with you because he doesn’t want you to know his dirty little secrets. He doesn’t want you to know about his childhood, history, or anything, including where he works and lives. 

29. Birds of a Feather…

Take a good look at his inner circle of friends. If they’re all single and into macking on the ladies, steer clear. All his friends are players, and there’s no reason for him to hang out with them if he wasn’t one, too. 

30. You Go Several Days with No Contact

It’s not right for someone interested in you to not talk to you for several days. Sure, people are busy with work and school, but everyone has five–or even two–minutes to send a quick “good morning” text first thing in the morning. If he can’t make time to call just to say “hello,” he’s not worth your time. 

31. His Reputation Precedes Him

Reputations are there for a reason. If it’s only one person telling you about his rep, be wary. If others are telling you he’s a player, listen to them. However, if four or five (or more) people are cluing you in on his reputation, they’re telling you because they want you to know his history.  

Final Thoughts

We’re not saying all guys who fall somewhere on this list are playing you. But we do suggest that if he falls into several of these categories, you should reconsider your choice of partner. 

If your relationship with this “player” is relatively new, consider yourself one of the lucky ones and cut your losses. Who needs him?

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