We have all been there; if you haven’t, then lucky you! It’s that cringey moment when you lay your feelings bare, only to be told they’re not echoed back. Your heart, dreams of a relationship you’ve built up in your head, and the butterflies in your stomach take a plunge like an elevator dropping 14 floors in two seconds. And then you hear those eight words that pack a punch, and not in a fun way: “I like you, but only as a friend.”
You, my friend, are now in the dreaded friend zone. Welcome! This can legit feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach by an angry donkey. You almost (almost) wish you could end up hating each other rather than being relegated to the purgatory of being “just friends” with someone you have romantic feelings for. It’s even worse when you’ve been under the impression that there was something more.
But don’t worry, it won’t feel this way forever—we promise! All you need to do is keep your emotions in check and figure out how to handle it. With these tips, you’ll be back in romantic fighting shape in no time.
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries!
Stick to super clear friendship boundaries. In other words, don’t ever give more than what they’re asking for. If they say they want to be just friends, then it’s important to respect that. It’s surprising how much people invest in relationships without any commitment or interest from the other side—all resting on the hope that the person who friend-zoned you will come to your way of thinking.
This means you are putting way more into it than a simple friendship entails in terms of intentions, effort, possibly lending them money, and, above all, emotional investment.
Remember, certain things in a romantic relationship need to be earned. Why would anyone put in the effort to earn these things if they’re getting them without any real commitment? If you’re considered a friend, then behave only as that—a friend—nothing more and nothing less. Save your energy and care for someone who is ready and actually wants to put in the same level of commitment and effort that a real relationship requires.
Reflect on How Deep Your Feelings Really Are
If this friend-zoner was just a passing crush, bouncing back to just being friends should be easy. But if you daydreamed about romantic beach walks and deep love confessions, brace yourself for a bit more time to move on.
Think About Taking a Break from Hanging Out
It’s okay if you need some space—that’s totally normal and not at all dramatic. Decide how to step back based on your unique connection with them. Remember, it’s not a movie; stepping away won’t magically make them see you’re meant to be.
Try Meeting New People
If you’re up for it, join a few dating apps and look around, or say yes to casual coffee dates. It’s about seeing what else is out there. If dating just for the sake of dating isn’t your thing, fill your time with friends and hobbies that make you happy, which will help the heartache gradually fade away.
Can You Ever Exit the Friend-Zone?
The most honest answer is probably not! The best way to approach this Hail Mary is to just let things unfold. Trying to resist the inevitable through nagging, denial, or anger will lead to an undesirable outcome, pushing you into a completely off-limits zone instead of the friend zone.
Complaining to someone who views you as just a friend can be humiliating and counterproductive, moving you even further from your desired relationship.
Essentially, you have two choices when someone wants to be friends: either accept the friendship or exit their life. There’s no middle ground. You can’t make someone see you as a romantic partner by kvetching about it or being in denial; it’s about respecting their wishes and being mature and decent about the situation.
If their feelings change, it has to happen naturally, not because you pressured them. Winning someone over by begging might feel like a success, but it’s a shallow one.
Takeaways
When someone doesn’t return your romantic feelings, it can really sting. Like, a giant wasp sting. You might start doubting yourself because it’s a hit to your self-esteem and your ego, which is totally normal. But remember, you’ve still got your self-respect.
Hold on to that like it’s a lifesaver thrown out to you in the middle of the sea, and do your best to move forward.
It’s important to remember that these things are very rarely personal; attraction is something that just can’t be forced or magically conjured up with a love spell. Plus, if they’re not feeling the same way toward you, it is a pretty good sign that they most likely weren’t the perfect match for you in the first place.
If you find it hard or even impossible to stay friends without feeling hurt–or it’s just awkward now that you’ve told them how you felt–it’s perfectly okay to let them know that and take a big step back. By doing this, you are keeping the door open for a future friendship once you’ve had time to lick your wounds and heal.
