Cushioning: We Recommend You Don’t


“I like him, but do I like him enough to delete my dating app for him?”

We’ve all been there and we all know what it feels like to struggle with that decision.  

If you’ve been on a dating app for a few months and you’ve had a date because of these apps, you might have come home, looked at your app, and debated whether or not you should delete them. 

To delete your dating app or not to delete your dating app, is the question for this age. While dating apps are designed to be deleted, and the main reason why most people go on these apps is to eventually find a relationship that causes them to delete their dating apps, it can feel a little bit like you’re pushed off a boat with no life vest when you delete these helpful apps.

It’s difficult to know when you can just go all-in for a relationship and when it’s still appropriate to keep your dating app.

The trouble comes when you start cushioning your dating life. Cushioning means that you aren’t allowing yourself to find success and happiness in your relationship. Instead, you’re always watching your back and making sure that you have a backup plan if a relationship is over. 

If you’ve never heard of cushioning your dating life and you feel as though you’ve maybe been doing that recently, that’s completely normal and natural. We’re here to help you realize why you’ve been doing that and to help you stop. 

man looking at phone

What Does it Look Like to Cushion Your Dating Life?

We’ve all been guilty of having a ‘just in case’ plan when it comes to our dating lives, whether we know it or not. 

Our plans to cushion our dating lives might be highly detailed and well thought-out. We might know exactly what we’re going to do in case the person that we’re talking to online or the person with whom we’ve been on a few dates doesn’t end up being ‘the one’ and the relationship doesn’t work out how we thought that it would.  

But there are also times when we’re starting a new relationship and we’re trying to get a feel for a new person, and we just don’t feel comfortable deleting our dating app, even if we’ve been on a few dates and know that we like them. 

This is a prime example of cushioning your dating life, and this has to stop if you ever want to find success when you’re dating someone. 

woman texting on phone

Why is Cushioning Your Dating Life Bad for Your Future?

Think of cushioning your dating life in this way: have you ever dated someone who was a bit too obsessed with their ex? Whether that meant that they were always talking about them, talking to them, or thinking about them. Whatever it looked like, it was a red flag

Holding onto an ex is one of the main forms of cushioning your dating life and it’s a great representation of what cushioning your dating life looks and feels like.

When you cushion your dating life, you are not letting yourself enjoy all of the new experiences and meet all the new people you could meet if you were to enter into a new relationship. 

Instead, you’re holding onto something from your past that either didn’t serve you to the fullest extent that it ought to have, or that’s done serving you. 

Whether that thing is a dating app, an ex, or something else that will not let you succeed in your future, you need to let it go. 

Here are some of the reasons why cushioning your relationship can be detrimental to your future.

not invested

It Proves That You’re Not Invested in the Relationship

The main reason why we’re against cushioning your dating life is that it shows you and the person that you’re in a relationship or situationship with that you don’t actually believe that they’re going to pass the test of time in your life. 

After you’ve gone on a few dates and you’ve gotten to know the person and you know whether or not you like them, there shouldn’t be too much stopping you from just giving in and letting the relationship run its course.

We can’t guarantee that you’re going to marry this person. We can’t guarantee that you’re never going to get on a dating app again. 

Still, if you don’t even allow yourself the chance to delete your dating app and see what the relationship could be like, you’re never going to know what would have happened if you gave your relationship a fair chance. 

not invested

It Causes You to Be Withdrawn from the Relationship

Another huge reason why cushioning your relationship can be so detrimental to its future is if you don’t believe in the relationship that you’re in enough to let go of all of your safety nets, then you’re going to be more withdrawn in your relationship as a whole. 

No one wants to invest their time and energy into something that they know is not going to work out. And that’s incredibly true when it comes to the subject of dating. 

If you don’t trust that one of your relationships is going to last, then you’re not going to want to take the time to get emotionally vulnerable and invested in that relationship. 

You can tell when someone is completely invested in their relationship and you can tell when some people might have some fears or something is holding them back from feeling and giving love. 

If you’re cushioning your relationship, then you’re allowing yourself to feel emotionally withdrawn from the person that you’re talking to, which will not set you up for success in your relationships and will often cause your relationships to fail before they even have a chance to succeed. 

no benefits

It Doesn’t Let You Benefit from a Relationship

Relationships are supposed to be fun. Yes, there are a number of other benefits that people can glean from getting into a relationship, but at their core, they’re supposed to be enjoyable. 

If you’re getting into a relationship and you’re constantly looking behind your back and making sure you cover all of your bases in case you and your partner do end up breaking up, then you’re not going to experience all that a relationship can offer you. 

Instead of constantly trying to make everything work out for the best and making sure that you’re going to be fine and unscathed just in case the relationship ends, just enjoy your time dating and exploring new relationships without worrying about what happens next. 

Instead of going through your love life and approaching things through a worst-case scenario mindset, just let go and see what happens! 

Dating should be fun, but you will never be able to experience all that dating can bring you if you’re not willing to invest in your relationship fully. 

man texting on phone

Where Do I Go From Here?

Just because we’re against cushioning your dating life doesn’t mean that you should go in the opposite direction and basically pledge your allegiance to everyone you go on a date with. 

Instead, there’s a healthy middle ground that you should come to when you start dating someone. 

We do not want you to delete your dating app after every successful date that you go on. But we do want to encourage you to not feel the need to question your dating life. 

That all being said, if you do want to have a level of comfort while you’re dating and keeping a dating app downloaded on your phone will bring you that comfort, that’s great!

But if you want to find success while you’re online dating, then you’re going to need to take the cushion out of your dating life and just experience what the world can bring you!

man and woman in forest smiling at each other with book and heart icon next to them

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