At some point in our lives, we all had to realize that we weren’t being told the whole truth about everything.
Granted, if we were told the truth about everything when we were kids or just growing up, a lot of our childhoods would have been a lot tougher, and we wouldn’t have been able to experience all of the joys that innocence could bring us.
But as we grew up, we also all had to become a bit wiser about the world around us, and we had to start figuring out what some of the myths were that Christians believed our entire lives.
A lot of people, for better or for worse, tell their Christian children different lies and myths as they’re growing up for whatever reason. We believe that everyone had the best intention when creating these myths, and they are not designed to harm us or lead us astray.
But, somewhere along the line, the stories that our parents told us or the exemplary pieces of advice that we heard as children grew into something bigger than anyone intended for them to, and they took on a life of their own.
When Christians approach online dating, they feel immense pressure from everything around them. Not only is dating in and of itself highly complicated, and no one has a map or directions for how best to approach that, but Christians also have to deal with a different kind of pressure that most people who are dating in the secular world don’t have to.
Most Christians take dating very seriously, and they don’t often date someone with whom they don’t see themselves having a future.
Because of this, Christians have a unique extra set of expectations placed on their heads and dictate their dating lives.
And while the extra pressure is good to help Christians remember what matters in this world, and the way that Christians approach dating is honestly one of the most beautiful and intentional ways that anyone in this modern world could approach dating, there’s enough pressure on these people to follow what God says about marriage and relationships.
No one needs to offer unsolicited advice about Christian dating or feed into any of the myths that might have come up or been created in the past few years about how Christians ought to approach dating.
If you’re curious about what some of these myths are, or you’re wondering if you’ve given into any of the myths throughout your dating life, then this article is for you.
How Christian Dating Myths Began
Before we get too far into this article, we want to make something abundantly clear. We do not think that any of the little old ladies in your church or your mothers who are just trying to give you advice about who you should date are out to get you and destroy your dating life.
That’s not their goal; in fact, it’s the opposite. And while it is stressful hearing things that seem like they’re gospel truth when they are quite literally not, one of the best ways that you can approach these moments when you’re presented with unsolicited advice in the future is to see the truth in what they’re saying and not focus on anything that you can’t back up with scripture.
All-in-all, that’s usually the best way to approach anything in life when it comes to having discernment and wisdom about what God wants you to do.
But all of this does beg the question of how some of the most popular Christian dating myths began.
Everyone has a different approach to dating based on how somebody raised them, their values, and other things that might have shaped them into the people they are today.
It’s wonderful that everyone values different things when they are approaching getting into a relationship and that nearly everyone is looking for various aspects, features, or attributes in their dream person when they’re trying to find the next love of their life.
But, some of the ways that people have begun to approach dating and their lives have started to fall into a pattern, and we want to assess that pattern today.
In many ways, the advice that Christians are often given when they start to approach dating and the ‘correct’ way to date has led to the creation of many myths and falsehoods surrounding the idea of dating.
We don’t want to over-complicate anything for you, and we want you to feel free and excited to explore love and all of the things that come with it. Because of that, today, we are going to dispel some of the most common myths about Christian dating.
1. You Have to Listen to Everyone’s Advice When It Comes to Dating
This is a little taboo. As Christians, we’re called to live in a community with each other so that we can go to the people who are older and wiser than we are when we have a question about how to approach a specific topic or handle a problem.
And don’t worry; we’re not going to tell you to avoid everyone’s opinions or advice when you get into a relationship. In all honesty, that might be one of the most dangerous things you can do for the future of your dating life.
But we do want to encourage you to seek God and His word before you seek the counsel of anyone else in your life.
When you’re a Christian starting on your dating journey, you’re going to hear so many facts, comments, concerns, discussions, and how-to guides about how to date ‘properly.’ Honestly, while it’s always good to seek counsel and listen to the people in your life who are wiser than you are, it’s also good to trust yourself and your wisdom when it comes to your personal and dating life.
And it can sometimes be much more overwhelming and damaging to listen to everyone else’s advice instead of being still and listening to what your heart and God say about dating.
While it’s often nice to have someone there to help you and help guide you through the world of dating and help you figure out what to do when you’re dating, it’s also nice to know that not everything that everyone is going to say to you is gospel and not everyone knows what’s going on in your life or how you should approach dating, even though they might say that they do.
Suppose you are feeling bombarded with people telling you what to do when you’re dating, who you should date or other myths that might have come up regarding how a Christian is supposed to date. In that case, you’re not alone, and we understand that it can be extremely frustrating to hear everyone else’s opinions and the things that might have worked for them when they dated while your circumstances are not similar to theirs at all.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you’ve heard your entire life that you have to listen to those who are older and wiser than you when you’re dating, take a breath, take a step back, and know that the only voice you need to listen to is God’s.
Yes, He is often able to talk through His people, but if their voices are drowning Him out. You’re starting to feel overwhelmed even thinking about listening to someone else’s advice; you’re not going to gain anything from continuing to listen to people who are causing you to have anxiety. You’re allowed to take a few steps back and reestablish your boundaries.
2. Marriage Is for Everyone
This is one of the biggest myths that needs to be busted immediately. Many Christians wrongfully assume that because God created marriage to be a kind of mirror for what His love looks like if you are a Christian, then you are going to get married.
This is one of the most damaging myths Christians have been telling each other and themselves for years now, and it needs to stop.
Marriage is a gift from God. That does not mean that, as Christians, we are all entitled to receive that gift, and that doesn’t mean that everyone is called to be married to someone.
If you are a Christian, you might be called to marriage, and God might bring a husband or a wife to you, but it is in no way expected for Him to do that.
And sometimes, God can shine more brightly and work in someone’s life in more powerful ways when He calls them to a life of singleness.
There are various reasons why some people are called to serve God and be single for the entirety of their lives.
Being called to a life of singleness does not mean that the person is any less worthy or deserving of love than those who are called to marriage, and it also doesn’t mean that they are not able to see God’s love in their lives.
God works through love and the love of His community. Suppose you’re living in a Christian community, and you are surrounding yourself with Christian friends, family, and people who are continually encouraging you to draw closer to God and always showing you His love in your life. In that case, you are experiencing God’s love every day. You don’t need to be married to share this.
Even though marriage is often regarded as one of the most important things you can do in your life, Christians are not called to get married, and marriage is not a requirement or an expectation for believers.
One of the main reasons this myth is so damaging is because Christians who are not called to get married often have to wrestle with the truth that the gospel tells them and the facts that are in the Bible, which is that marriage is a gift. It is not something that is just given to everyone, while also listening to the entire Christian community say that marriage is an expectation. It is something that everyone is called to.
This juxtaposition of gospel truth and Christian community expectations can also cause people to wonder if they should get into a relationship, even though they know that they’re not called to it. It causes a lot of discourse and unrest in their lives.
Before we go too much further into this discussion about dating and marriage, we want to say that some people are not going to be called to get married, and that’s more than okay.
There are so many ways that these people can feel and be loved when they’re in a Christian community, and we, as Christians, need to stop assuming that just because someone is a Christian means they need to be married.
3. Dating Will Make You Whole
To go along with what we just said, this is another terrible myth that too many Christians believe when it comes to dating truths.
Many people from the older generation put a lot of pressure on the transforming power of marriage and dating. So much so that it can often be highly damaging to people who are trying to figure out what they want out of life and they’re trying to know themselves.
One of the most common myths Christians are told regarding dating is that when you find your person, you will be whole.
While that’s a lovely idea, and we believe that if you’re called to marriage, God created a person who will compliment you and help you grow when you’re in a relationship, we also need to go back to the Bible on this point.
The only being who will ever make you whole is God. He is the only one who is powerful enough to provide for you. He is the only one who will ever know all of your needs, not just what you might think you need. He is the only being who will ever make you whole.
When you put a God-sized amount of pressure on your future spouse, not only are you setting them up for failure, but you’re also making an idol out of them.
God didn’t design people to complete each other. He created them to be each other’s partners and to uplift and support each other when they need it. But He didn’t design humans to have the ability to be each other’s gods.
In fact, that’s one of the many ways that Satan can sneak in and destroy one of the purest forms of love that people have access to on this Earth.
If you’ve been told that your partner should complete you and make you whole, you need to reassess the amount of pressure you’re placing on their shoulders, and you need to give that all back to God.
A Final Word of Encouragement
We understand that trying to navigate the world of dating can often be a lot more complicated and painful when you’re a Christian.
By default, Christians have to deal with a more significant number of rules, regulations, and ways that they should approach dating than most people in the secular world.
While we’ve covered several myths that Christians are often made to believe about dating, one of the central truths that all Christians need to remember about dating is that it’s a gift from God and that if He has called you to a life of love dating and marriage, He will guide you there and make way for you to have the best relationships of your life. You need only to trust Him and rest in the knowledge that God has never let you down, and He never will.
God doesn’t want His people to suffer, and He often makes way for them to find success, love, and joy in their lives through the gifts that He gives them. One of those gifts is marriage and God-centered relationships.