Unlock the Secrets of Christian Dating with These 9 Essential Books

Updated:

Let’s be honest- no one knows what we’re doing out here, and everyone is just trying to get by. When it comes to the topic of dating, it’s really a matter of trial and error, and we’re all trying our best. 

One thing about dating, especially if you’re dating as a Christian, is that it can be hard to navigate the minefield of figuring out what the Bible says about dating, how to navigate a very modern world with some very ‘old-fashioned’ beliefs, and doing all of this while still trying to navigate their personal lives and figure out their feeling apart from everything else. 

It can be challenging to approach the modern dating world through a Christian perspective and walk in a way that is both honoring and pleasing to God but also date in a way where you can find success. 

As Christians, we’re called to be in the world but not of it. Because that statement is just one of the pillars that we need to base our lives on, we understand that when we try things out, like dating apps for example, might look a little different from everyone else doing it, but that’s the point. 

We’re not called to blend in but to stand out for Jesus and to proclaim His truth and His way to the rest of the world. 

If you’re wondering what some of the best guidelines to do that are, keep reading!

The Best Christian Books about Dating

The tough news is that the Bible never talks directly about dating anywhere within its pages. It gives a number of guidelines on how to treat the people you love and examples of strong marriages, relationships, and partnerships are infused throughout most of its core teachings, but it never talks about dating. 

This doesn’t mean that dating is unbiblical, it just wasn’t an institution in biblical times, so it was one of the few things that weren’t exactly covered. 

But thankfully, just because dating is never mentioned by name in the Bible doesn’t mean there aren’t some fantastic biblically-sound teachings on how to go about dating and treating the person you’re in a relationship with throughout the Bible. 

In fact, if you want to find success and follow God’s will and wishes for you while you’re navigating the world of dating, you might want to re-familiarize yourself with what the Bible says are guidelines for how a couple should treat each other in a relationship.

Even though dating and marriage are very different from each other in many ways, especially if you’re living in accordance with a typical Christian lifestyle and you and your girlfriend or boyfriend aren’t living together, sharing expenses, or doing other things that are typically reserved for a marital relationship, you should still treat your partner with as much love and respect as you would if you were married to them. This is a difficult concept for many people to grasp, especially if they’re just trying to get to know someone or they’re casually dating. 

Many questions and concerns have come up in most modern couples’ relationships as they begin to navigate what dating looks like in a contemporary world through a biblical and godly lens. 

Thankfully, even though the Bible doesn’t lay out every rule or answer every question that comes up when modern Christian couples are exploring what dating will look like in their lives, many books shed wisdom on just that subject. 

Whether you’re trying to prepare yourself and your heart for a dating relationship, you’re already in one, or you’re teaching your children how to date in this crazy world, it’s always good to have some guidance steeped in Christian truth. 

Here are our favorite Christian books about dating, love, and relationships and how you can best approach them in the modern day. 

1. Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age – Ben Stuart

There are very few books that so flawlessly go through every single stage and aspect of a relationship and then examine what it means to approach each step with a biblical mindset, but Single, Dating, Engaged, Married does it perfectly. 

This book is the perfect stepping stone for anyone exploring what it means to be a Christian and figuring out how to do any and all of these stages of a relationship in a way that is both honoring to God and honoring to the other person in the relationship. 

Each section of the book is divided up with scripture and guidance on how to best traverse all of the stages to best prepare for your next step. 

The book is also very raw and real in the way it talks about real-world issues that many Christians will have to face when they’re single, dating, engaged, or married. 

There is no specific age range for this book, but we would suggest those who are in one of the two beginning stages, either single or dating, get the book now and begin to learn about all God wants to share with them on their journey to finding love. 


2. Outdated: Find Love that Lasts when Dating has Changed – Jonathan “JP” Pokluda

If you’re currently trying to learn all that you can about being a Christian dating in the modern world, before you even pick up his book, look up Jonathan Pokluda and watch his sermons.

JP has been preaching to young adults for years now, and he always touches on the topics that are often labeled too taboo or too modern for churches to actually address on Sunday mornings. His sermons at The Porch are some of my favorites to watch back and reference, especially when I’m talking to a younger Christian trying to learn about dating. 

But after spending so much time preaching about dating and what that looks like from a biblical point of view, JP decided to write a book about it as well. 

Outdated is a book dedicated to dispelling all of the lies and misconceptions that Christians have formed about dating and love in the past few years. The text is full of real-life stories meant to help its readers address any problems or questions that might pop up as they continue their journey of love and learn for themselves what dating as a Christian ought to look like. 


3. Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot – Mo Isom

Let’s talk about sex. No, really, we should. One of the biggest problems with dating in a modern age as a Christian is that you’re going to face many temptations that the church is often too scared to even address. 

Because the church often avoids certain topics because they don’t want to worry about the repercussions of saying something too taboo or polarizing, Christians are often left floundering in a world with no guidance or lifeboat to save them. 

Mo Isom knows this and seeks to unveil and discuss God’s original plan and beautiful design for sex and how the church’s avoidance of the topic is causing more damage than good to Christians all over the world. 

This book does something very few Christians have ever managed to do themselves — talk about sex in a way that is not offensive or guilt-ridden, but very real, raw, and vulnerable. If we’re going to explore how to navigate dating in the modern world, we need to be able to have these conversations that so many people have avoided for so long.


4. Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex – Michael Todd

Similar to Jonathan Pokluda, Michael Todd’s teachings on relationships, love, and how God designed us to treat one another are some of the best out there. It’s no secret that the Church needs someone to be open, raw, and vulnerable with them and to not sugarcoat what Christians have to face when they go into the ‘real world,’ and Michael Todd knows this. 

In the pages of his book, Todd discusses his journey with finding love, exploring God’s calling in his life, and all of the truths he had to uncover from himself. 

The book answers questions like where the idea of relationships came from in the first place and if it’s even possible to avoid terrible relationships when you start dating. He covers modern-day dating questions and topics, like how to navigate social media and break-ups, and he does all of this through a Christian lens. 

He also lays out all of the problems that most modern-day Christian couples will have to traverse and how to get past them with a God-oriented mindset. If you want an open and honest guide to what dating should look like as a Christian, pick up this book. 


5. 7 Myths About Singleness – Sam Allberry

If you want to know how to properly date as a Christian, it’s essential that you also learn how to be single as a Christian. If you’ve been in Christian culture for a while and you’ve been around younger singles, you’ve probably heard someone say something along the lines of, “I just need to be in a season of singleness.”

But what does singleness actually mean, and what is God’s plan and design for that? Can Christians actually be called to a life of singleness or do they have to be fruitful and multiply, even if they’re not sure that life is for them? 

This counter-cultural book approaches the often taboo and villainized topic of singleness. It reframes the notion in a way that is not only positive but necessary for most to enjoy in their lives. 

Being single is hard and possibly being called to a lifetime of singleness takes dedication, spiritual gifts, and a reliance on God which not many people think about when they’re approaching the topic. 

No matter what stage of life you’re in, whether you’re debating living a single life or you feel called to stay single for a season or you’ve been in a relationship for the past ten years, 7 Myths About Singleness will dispel any falsifications you might have been fed on your journey.


6. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – Gary Chapman

While this book isn’t technically just about dating, it might be one of the most important books you could read for your entire relationship’s health. 

Learning how to best love someone else is one of the most challenging things a person could do. We all go into relationships with preconceived notions and beliefs about how best to love others and what another person might want in a relationship. Still, it takes dedication, patience, and time to learn how to love another person. 

Thankfully, the five love languages offer a comprehensible guide to help us learn to love our significant others and tailor our love to fit their specific needs and desires. Everyone wants to be loved in a certain way, and it would do your partner a disservice to assume that they want to be loved in one way without exploring all the other possibilities. 

The Five Love Languages opens up a whole new world of how to love your partner and teaches people more about their partners and how to live in a sacrificial and loving relationship better than almost any other book has. 


7. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God – Timothy Keller

Even though we want to focus on books about dating, it’s good to know what you’re preparing for when you are in a relationship. While the Bible covers many topics surrounding marriage and how to approach holy matrimony in a way that honors God and honors His vision of what He intended for marriage. 

There’s a reason why marriage is so important to Christians and why it’s often used as a symbol and a metaphor for how God loves the church. 

In The Meaning of Marriage, pastor Timothy Keller discusses and references some of the most critical messages and scriptures that the Bible shares surrounding marriage. 

While this book is encouraging and teaches its readers about the power of marriage, it also doesn’t beat around the bush and makes no effort to hide how sacred marriage is and how we ought to regard it and treat it as such. 

While this book is all about marriage, it’s also worthwhile if you’re beginning to explore dating and thinking about long-term relationships through a Christian lens.


8. Loveology: God. Love. Marriage. Sex. And the Never-Ending Story of Male and Female – John Mark Comer

“In the beginning, God created Adam. Then he made Eve. And ever since we’ve been picking up the pieces.”

It’s no secret to us that God’s design for marriage is perfect, but what does allude to us is how to have an ideal relationship in an imperfect world. That’s why this book is so vital for Christians to read when they begin to conduct themselves in any kind of relationship. 

John Mark Comer discusses the Garden of Eden and what was perfect within Adam and Eve’s relationship and opposes it with the flawed relationships that resulted after the Garden and the fall of man. 

Loveologybegins by exploring marriage and then deals with other issues like sexuality, romance, singleness, and the roles of gender in any relationship. 

If you want a Christian book that will do a deep dive into any and every question that you might have ever had, nothing is off the table in this book. The book is advertised for singles, newlyweds, people dating, and those who just got engaged — so basically anyone under the sun. Not to mention those who are tired of being spoon-fed the gospel and who want the truth given to them no matter what that means for their life. 


9. The Mingling of Souls: God’s Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption – Matt Chandler

The Mingling of Souls is similar to Mo Isom’s book in that it doesn’t skirt around the topic that most Christians would rather blush and change the subject when it comes up in conversation. 

Sex is a pivotal part of any relationship, especially a marital one. The Song of Solomon is all about the romance and attraction that a nearly-wed couple is bound to feel when they’re starting their journey toward long-lasting love, but there’s no reason for the conversation surrounding sex to start and end with that book. 

Instead, Matt Chandler wrote a book to help singles, married couples, and everyone in between navigate the topic that is one of the most divisive and destructive in the Church, but one that no one wants to broach. 

Chandler follows Solomon’s process of attraction, courtship, marriage, and even arguing and examines how Christian relationships can and should reflect the wisest man in the world’s example. 

confused woman looking at phone with question mark background and a heart-shaped speech bubble with a surprised face emoji inside of it

Left Swiping My Way to Therapy | A Collection of the Most Bizarre Dating App Conversations

If you’ve ever been on a dating app, you know that it can sometimes feel like you’re participating in an advanced psychological study on human ...
woman looking through closet with question marks around her

The Do’s and Don’ts of First Date Fashion | Avoiding Common Mistakes

Want to be fashionable on a first date? Of course you do! Unless you are too “cool” to care about first impressions—which is not a ...
man looking out the window thinking with a brain and heart in head graphic

5 Must-Have Skills for Successful Dating

In a perfect world, every human being is kind, respectful, and conscious of the needs of others.  But this is in no way a perfect ...