Left Swiping My Way to Therapy | A Collection of the Most Bizarre Dating App Conversations

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If you’ve ever been on a dating app, you know that it can sometimes feel like you’re participating in an advanced psychological study on human behavior—one that would make even Freud scratch his head in WTF confusion. 

From puns that totally missed the mark to dating bios that leave you questioning the future of humanity and if it should even continue, we are going to take you on an adventure into the sometimes funny, usually bizarre, sometimes cringe-worthy, but always entertaining reality of the online dating app trenches.

If you’ve ever been on a dating app, you know that it can sometimes feel like you’re participating in an advanced psychological study on human behavior—one that would make even Freud scratch his head in WTF confusion. 

From puns that totally missed the mark to dating bios that leave you questioning the future of humanity and if it should even continue, we are going to take you on an adventure into the sometimes funny, usually bizarre, sometimes cringe-worthy, but always entertaining reality of the online dating app trenches.


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1. The Puntastic Partner

Never underestimate the power of a quirky pun to break the ice—or the awkward silence that follows:

Potential Soulmate: “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te!”

I volleyed back with: “Are you David Copperfield? Because whenever I look at your profile, abra cadabra and POOF! Everyone else disappears!”

We may not have found a love potent enough to defy the periodic table, but we sure did have a reaction!


ghost holding up peace signs

2. The Ghost Haunting Prequel

You matched two weeks ago; the conversation was going great, then suddenly, they vanished without a trace—only to pop back up with:

Ghost Returner: “Sorry, my phone died!”

Oh, for two weeks? Did your charger go on a spiritual journey to find itself, too?


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3. The Copy-Paste Catastrophe

I applaud the efficiency but not so much the execution. This person obviously uses the bulk mail approach:

Mass Messenger: “Hey gorgeous, I think you have a beautiful smile. By the way, who’s Ben?”

My name isn’t Ben, nor have I ever met Ben. I hope Ben and his beautiful smile are very happy together.


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4. The Overly Honest Soul

I’m all for transparency, but maybe save some of these tidbits for the second date—or never?

TMI Tim: “I sometimes like to put on a cape and pretend I’m a superhero. Also, I haven’t done laundry in three weeks.”

Who needs knights in shining armor when you can have men in unwashed capes?


briefcase

5. The Job Interviewer

Who knew that swiping right was akin to applying for a job?

Corporate Carla: “Where do you see yourself in five years? How do you handle conflict? Can you provide references?”

Should I send my resume, or will my LinkedIn profile suffice?


brain reading book

6. The Philosopher

Sometimes, you just want to exchange light-hearted messages, not ponder the existential crises of life:

Deep Thinker: “If you could be any moment in time, when would you be?”

I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be back at a moment before this conversation started.


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7. The One-Liner Wonder

Just when you think you’ve seen it all (and you have seen this one before–we all have)

Smooth Operator: “Are you a parking ticket? Because you have got ‘F-I-N-E’ written all over you.”

It’s a no from me dawg, but you get an A- for effort!


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8. The Non-Committal Comedian

Sometimes, they start off funny, and you think, “This could be the one!” Then, reality hits:

Funny Guy: “I’m not really looking for a relationship. I’m more about that laugh and leave lifestyle.”

So, am I a test audience for your tight 10 minute standup routine or a date, funny guy?


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9. The Unsolicited Life Coach

Nothing quite says “romantic interest” like unsolicited advice on your life choices:

Coach Karen: “You really should smile more in your pictures. It makes you seem friendlier!”

Thanks, Karen; I’ll be sure to smile while swiping left harder than I’ve ever swiped left before.


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10. The Emoji Enthusiast

Words are hard, so why not communicate entirely in pictures?

Emoji Eddie: 😂🥑😍🌮🔥👍

A picture is worth a thousand words, but can it carry a conversation? Apparently not.


Final Thoughts

While you may not find your perfect match every time you swipe right, there’s no shortage of entertainment. Every unmatchable line and bizarre bio are all leading you somewhere—probably to therapy, but hey, at least you’ll have good stories to tell. 

So here’s to the laughable attempts, the cringe-worthy lines, and the just outright absurd—it’s all part of the great big world of online dating. 

Just remember, for every oddball conversation, there’s a chance that the next match on your favorite dating app could be the one that lands you in a relationship (or at least a decent conversation). 

Keep swiping, stay hopeful, and maybe keep your therapist in your favorites on your phone!

man and woman in forest smiling at each other with book and heart icon next to them

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