Are You the Side Chick? These 8 Signs Say Yes


A side chick is a woman a person dates in addition to a main girlfriend or wife, typically in secret. A side chick, also known as a homewrecker, is frequently blamed for the end of a relationship. Yet, it’s important to note that many women considered side chicks are unaware of their status.

Are You a Side Chick?

You may think you’re involved in a monogamous relationship, but signs indicate that maybe someone else is in the mix. Not only are you NOT his one and only, but you may not even be the main one. Here are 8 signs that tell you, yes, you are indeed the side chick.

1. He Always Plans Visits Ahead of Time

You may notice that he never pops by or calls you out of the blue. Instead, he always gives you a time and date when you should meet. Or, he’ll tell you on the phone when he plans to call you again. Of course, you may argue that it’s his OCD, but either way, it’s odd.

Guys with side chicks prefer to organize their time to help compartmentalize their relationships between their wives/girlfriends and their side chick. So, if you believe his visits are too structured, consider there’s someone else.

2. There’s No PDA

Like the tree falling in the forest, is it really a relationship if no one sees it? In other words, does he offer no public displays of affection? Sure, some people cringe when it comes to kissing and holding hangs in public. Still, it’s a red flag if he doesn’t even playfully tickle you or gently tap your shoulder when he’s telling a joke.

For example, if you’re sitting together in a public setting and you go to grab his hand, but he flinches and asks you not to do that, he either has a flesh-eating bacteria and doesn’t want to infect you, or he’s hiding something. You decide.

A man who doesn’t show affection toward you in public may try to hold on to the “she’s just a friend” excuse if ever caught in public by someone he knows.

3. Secret Dating Locations

This red flag is one of the biggest indicators. He always suggests “great places to try,” and they usually end up being secluded locations. However, he quickly shoots down all your suggestions stating, “I’ve been there before and didn’t like it.”

When you date someone who only takes you places no one has ever heard about, including you, it’s a sign that

A. He’s ashamed to be seen in public with you
B. You’re a side chick
C. He’s a mob boss and wants to avoid running into a rival cartel

You should reconsider your relationship if the answer is any of the above.

4. You Really Don’t Know Him at All

You’ve been dating for a while. However, you don’t know much about him outside of his name and the kind of car he drives. So when your friends and family ask questions, you’re embarrassed because there’s not much to tell because you don’t know him like that. So if this is you, please wake up and smell the coffee.

You realize there are so many missing pieces about your boyfriend, so you attempt to get to know more about him by asking about his friends and family. If he becomes defensive when you inquire, you may need to come to terms with being his side chick because, guess what? You probably are.

If he is serious about you being his main girl, he should be an open book, and you should know all facets of his life, including all the small details.

For example, you should know his favorite pasta, the name of his third-grade teacher, and the name of his pet frog from fifteen years ago. You get the idea

5. He Never Picks up Your Calls

This corroborates point #1. He only picks up when you call him within your allotted time. Otherwise, he’ll give the excuse, “I wasn’t available then. That’s why I told you I would call you at seven.”

The only time he picks up is typically in the middle of the night, with him whispering something like, “I’ll call you tomorrow because I can’t talk now.”

If this happens frequently, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

  • Why is he whispering?
  • Why didn’t he send a message?
  • Why did it take so long for him to pick up?
  • Is someone with him?

You’re not an idiot. When you ask yourself these questions, you already know the answers, but sometimes it’s just good to reaffirm what you’ve already been thinking.

6. No Pictures with Him

Just because you don’t have any pictures together doesn’t mean you are the side chick. However, it is a significant indicator if he goes out of his way to avoid taking pictures with you.

Many guys dodge pics to prevent social media posts, mentions, and tags. In other words, he doesn’t want it to get out that you two are together. Why would that be? Hmmmmm.

Maybe he doesn’t want any evidence of your relationship so it doesn’t get back to the wrong person, namely his wife or girlfriend.

So, if your guy doesn’t enjoy selfies with you AT ALL, consider whether you’re his numero uno.

7. He Declines to Define Your Relationship

Defining a relationship can sometimes be challenging, especially for guys, so they use this as an excuse. For instance, you’re clearly in a relationship, but when you ask the question, “What are we?” He pulls the ol’ bob’ n weave and says something like, “We’re having a good time. Why do we have to define the relationship?”

Some guys rely on the fact that many people find the What Are We? conversation tricky, so they use that to their advantage by blowing off the question and making it seem insignificant. Soon, you’re right back into the side chick routine without another thought of defining the relationship.

8. Secrets

Just like women, men have secrets, and that’s fine–up to a certain point. However, if the secrets become too much and start affecting you emotionally, think about having a frank discussion with him.

The secrets to watch out for include:

  • his whereabouts
  • the names of his friends
  • his family
  • where he lives/works

When he keeps major secrets from you, it shows that he doesn’t trust you with the information, which is not behavior given to the main girl.

In addition, if he refuses to meet your family and friends and shows no interest in making you a priority, he’s not fully vested in the relationship, which is another indicator that you are not the main one.

Benefits of Being the Side Chick

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but if your partner acts shady around you, primarily when he receives a call or text, you aren’t the main one (READ side chick). It’s a red flag, and you should consider whether or not this is the type of relationship you want or if you should move on and begin your search for a new relationship.

However, before you completely walk away from your partner you should consider the following. There are some surprising benefits to being the side chick.


OK, ladies, hear me out on this. If you’re the side chick with some guy, it means he’s dating more than just you, right? So, why would you want to be in a committed relationship with someone like that?

Being the side chick gives you all the perks without all the headaches. Obviously, he has commitment issues, so why would you want to take that on? You have enough going on in your life.

Additionally, you don’t have to answer to anyone. You can come and go as you please, so it’s no wonder you can jump right up and go whenever he calls. Then, when you’ve met your needs, it’s back to life as usual.

You Have Options

Side chicks have a guy they see occasionally, which satisfies their needs. However, you have no guilt when another person catches your eye because their options are always open.

You haven’t made any promises or vows of living happily ever after together. You both are only living in the moment with no strings attached.

So, a side chick feels no guilt DMing a guy or meeting up with someone else because no one has a say in what you do. This creates a more casual hookup minus all the relationship stuff like bills, vacation plans, and constant complaints of not spending enough time together.

woman flirting with another man

It’s Exciting

Some women prefer one-on-one, but to be fair, some don’t. They don’t find a straightforward monogamous relationship exciting and see that as a boring routine that kills the thrilling factor.

When it comes to relationships, the side chick gets all the highs, living on a roller-coaster of intimate encounters. Your top secret mission (shall you choose to accept it, which obviously you do) is hanging out with a guy that needs to keep you hidden from the public. This type of rush sounds spy-esque and can keep your “relationship” from becoming dull.

Bye Bye Drama

What relationship doesn’t come with drama? I’ll tell you; yours. Your “relationship” is drama-free for one main reason: YOU’RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP! If he’s dating other chicks, it’s not your problem. If the bills aren’t paid, that’s not your issue either.

You won’t fight over other girls because, by definition, you are the other girl. You won’t have petty arguments over why he liked this picture and why he commented on that post.

You don’t care who he follows on Instagram. So, when you and your man finally find time to get together, the last thing you’re doing is getting angry over who left their shoes on the kitchen counter.

No Need to Sacrifice

We’ve all told small lies here and there, but we can all agree that nobody enjoys being lied to. As a side chick, you know the biggest lie of your man; he’s not faithful.

Of course, there are plenty of smaller lies that he’s telling you, like, “I love you” and “I’m breaking up with her.” But as a side chick, you don’t believe him and, more importantly, don’t care.

You never have to guess why he couldn’t come over, and you don’t get hurt feelings when he doesn’t call you the next day. You also don’t need to keep track of what he’s doing because you feel it’s not your business.

Wrap Up

Initially, it’s sometimes easy not to realize you are the side chick. Your relationship is brand new, so you don’t have all the perks of being in a long-term commitment.

However, if after several months and most, if not all, of these indicators still apply, you are the side chick. So now it’s time for you to decide if you want to remain the side chick or move on. Good luck!

confused woman looking at phone with question mark background and a heart-shaped speech bubble with a surprised face emoji inside of it

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